Scarves, scarves, scarves!

A list of scarves I want [ to keep track ], and WILL eventually get

• A Hot Pink-colored scarf
• A red-colored scarf
  
• A green-colored scarf
• A pastel yellow-colored scarf
• a floral patterned scarf
• a pretty patterned scarf of some sort
• a striped scarf
• a brown-patterned square scarf
• another square scarf of any sort would be nice (lets make it four!)
  
• Perhaps a nice grey-colored wool scarf

Giggle giggles

I don't know who I am

Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they dont want, to impress people they dont like.

I found this quote on a xanga that i subscribe to, and normally its very hard for me to find quotes that are really meaningful but this one, touches me to the core. Every word relates to how I live my life. I think its a total waste , for me to have to act and conform myself to the norms of "being materialistically hott", or even to simply prove that I am better than others. I look at myself in the mirror and really wonder why must I do this when I am not financially well off as these "people", I am not at the same mentality as these people, different goals, different beliefs- why must I always think about what others will think. Why don't I love myself more?

I am lying, about a good 60% of the time if I say I'm doing it for myself. A good 40% of the time I would probably geniunely mean it but there's probably a good chance a part of me would be like...nah im gonna look good to show off to others.

In my life now, there are two and a half reasons why I ...

• dress up like a bird to go out
• shop for new things
• put on a gazillion eye products before i leave the house
• go on a diet.

The first one being I want to look good, so my boyfriend won't leave me. Silly, but very serious. I have to really make it clear though, that there is never a moment in our 16 months (and counting) relationship that he has ever, EVER made a negetive comment about my appearance. Rather its quite the opposite, where he reassures me that he loves me for who I am and I will always be beautiful to him (sorry for the gag factor). So you would think that because I have such a great, non-judgemental boyfriend that I would really not be so concerned with my appearance. I think because of my lack of confidence in myself, I'm afraid that some pretty girl with an equal of a great personality is going to come by and steal him away from me. So its not that I don't trust him, I don't trust other girls AND I feel like he can do better sometimes.

&& I am always concerned about what his friends would think of me, when they meet me for the first time. Will they think, "oh why is A with such a fat/ugly girl?", or something along the lines of that. I'm being SO gay and if he ever reads this he would probably think i am SO immature and stupid, but its very true- this is how i feel and think sadly.

Second reason would be, so I can look better than some people. It's quite pathetic if you think about it, but I dress like its a show, the audience being the people that I want to show off too. I want it to be a big smack to their face, and show them that I can look better. Simple, bitter and gay like that.

The half of a reason is because it makes me feel good when I dress up....which I guess is the adrenaline (spelling?!?) booster for me.

So those are my reasons. Its quite terrible. But I do it, I do it for people who are undeserving and I do it for stupid reasons. So at the end of the day, i don't even know am i superficial and fake, or am I just a silly goose that needs some serious therapy.

Material-Whore

I suddenly feel the urge to blog about what are some of the wants, on my shopping list. I am so excited about back to school shoppping. Which is why I absolutely must trim my size down a digit or two to wow everyone at gcm on September 2 [ which is so not happening, but its always nice to fantasize ].

I am suddenly totally inspired by the whole vintage, classy look that only really super slim, tall girls [ie. Tall jenn] can pull off. I need to drop my "must shop only for work clothes" stance, to "back to school chic" mode.

Scarves. I need more. I need more bold colors, I need patterned ones and more squared ones. I think people should know that if they are EVER stumped on gift ideas, they should just get me a scarf.

- Jeans. I need another pair of jeans. I think im gonna go for grey this time.
- Shoes. I really want new flats, but that’s clearly not happening because the flats I desire are so damn expensive.
- Accessories. Must expand collectionnn
- Sunglasses. I gotta figure out how im gonna do this sunglasses thing, seeing I am practically legally blind and designer-sunglasses doesn’t do perscripted lenses. : (
- A clutch. I need one so badly. Been procrastinating for the longest time. Im at a point where I cant wait to go to the US to get a cheap COACH one, but run to the eaton centre and purchase it for full price.
- Another nice big hobo bag would be nice...but I have too many already.
- A TNA hoodie in another color would be nice, not necessary though
- A dark grey winter jacket. Im so ahead of myself but I really want a new winter jacket. My black JACOBS one is looking mistreated.

- etc etc etc. Whatever that’s cute! I need back to school clothesss!

Im praying that OUP will keep me as a part-time after internship. Not only do I enjoy the work, I really would like the extra cash to support my new-found vision of making myself materialistically-pretty and addiction to starbucks.

時光機

Its so silly.
But the boyfriend and i have this inner competition [ well maybe not him, just me cuz imcompetitve like that ] to see who can masterfully sing this chinese song better.

So far he's winning.
the song is on repeat in the car and i am SO determined to win.
....... mite i add its a really sad, sweet song too.

heh

sad.

It bothers me that you would ever let me feel this way.
I hate feeling like this

decision

so ive decided that im gonna stick with xanga.
but occasionally blog here and of course comment on all my girls blogs =]
i still love the sophistication of blogspot.
so soon time. l'll be permanently here.

Trial

I am going to try and blog one normal entry here, and see what it feels like and see whether i can pick up that same momento i have when i blog over at dorkus_x. Yesterday the boyfriend and i was at Yorkdale for about three and a half hours, sadly i did not leave the mall with anything [ even though the purpose of the trip was to buy three gifts for the july gcm babies ]. The one thing i did leave with though, was my new-found determination to get Michael Kors' Sunglasses. Omgawd they are gorgeous and i absolutely love the way they look on my face [ this is where my vain-ness kicks in ]. If this means i have to get contacts, then i will get contacts to wear with them!!! We spent such a long time in the store, trying on almost every pair to find "the perfect one". It was sooo much fun, minus the part when i went back to U.P to buy a scarf....and it was gone. All three of them...gone in a few hours. sighs* =[

Today we bummed around, cooked, and watched Enchanted.
we are soooo boring. <3 =]

Tommorrow new work week. I cant wait for the end of the week.
Toronto Night Market, Summerlicious with the GCM kids, and the Company BBQ

Hmmmm so thats the end of the trial post. Not tooo bad, would have blogged more if it wasnt for the terrible cramps im experiencing...and im distracted by the fact i am 2 weeks behind on my internship journal...&& i really should blog there, instead of here.

migration.

not sure if l'll like this
i dont know if i have the patience and time to reanalyze the html to blogspot when ive already invested four years into understanding xanga coding.

Tried livejournal before, didnt work out too well.
maybe this time will be different because annnuh is right, this is much more sophisicating