Losing to life

Greetings everyone (to who comes around stillllllllll). I am back with somewhat of an update.

SURPRISE TO ALL YOU MONDAY MORNING PEOPLE.

My last blog was almost a month ago and ive been told by SO many people to do something about it (im so sorry! lol). To whom i speak to and are close with, they all knew that i was seriously losing it. Everything was just not okay. I was unhappy. I was frustrated. Job searching and interviews hit a halt. I got sick. I couldn't let go of certain things. Arsenal was doing poorly. I reached the end of my savings. Everything was so bleak and i felt like i just couldn't win. I was losing to life and I was losing badly. Defeat caught up with me and was killing me. I tell myself everyday that "it shall pass" and i just need to keep on going but it got increasingly difficult.


Then just like that. BOOM. Everything comes together in ONE WEEK.

In one week, two things.

First,

1.5 years of FT unemployment. Roughly 75 applications (give or take two)- i am bloody finally fucking employed. Fuck. It was literally one thing after another. E-mailed application > Interview (Design challenge, 4 people interview) > 2 hours later when i was STILL on the bus, call back for ref check > ref check, design challenge #2, Phone interview > Offer emailed to me at 5pm, Friday.

BOOM BITCHES. That's for all of you who would kill to see me fall.

I work my ass off, applying, constantly coming up with new, creative things to add to cover letters, infographs, etc. I did this without the help of anyone and I am proud as hell with myself and i am NOT afraid to be vain and admit that.

That said, to all my girls? This Christmas is going to be awesome. JUST SAYING.

Second, 

I still, might, perhaps, maybe, not know exactly what i want. But ive never been more sure of what i DON'T want. Consider it another lesson learned for me. Today's Shiv's Bridal Shower confirmed with me even more, of what is it that i do want. At the end of the day, i am STILL okay with being single. Until i find my Azza (footy player) of course.

# # #

i'm turning a quarter of a century in a week and a half.....ish. And i have NOT felt better than this in a VERY long time. Except perhaps my weight. (Definitely fatty mode again). But im not going to complain because this is SO much better than I asked for.

oh. and Arsenal is starting to look hopeful again.

THANKKKK YOUUUUU JEEEEBUS. 

i know i fail

i know i know i promised a PRE-SANDIEGO trip post.

That obviously did not happen.

But here i am, i made the effort, i put on my face and travelled my arse to the ghettos of what they call scarbaria, to sit down in a dark corner at a Starbucks/Chapters (because i know my usual SB will be packed to the max with asians who are afraid of the sun) with two and a half venti drinks by my side.

So greetings, to whoever that hasn't given up on me. Indeed i am back (duh) for exactly a week. Ive been sick (a cold with fever to be precise) the minute i got off of that much delayed plane hence the terrible lag in updating. To contribute to further delays, the minute i felt remotely better i was out of the house and not in front of the computer. When i was, it was only to watch my Arsenal games and....not blog.

Right, i shall stop it with the excuses! Onwards with zee trip.

San Diego was a lot of fun. It didn't really feel like a 7 day trip because everyday went by extremely quickly because we packed it in with what seems like a zillion things to do each day. I don't really want to bother going into great depths of what we did each day because that's boring. I think a general outline will suffice?

The first three days of the trip was dedicated mostly to doing tourist-like stuff and running errands. We stayed at the Mariott Residential Suites where there was an in-suite kitchen (completed with cutlery and cookware) for us to make food and pretty much live there comfortably for a week. Great place. The cleaning ladies did our dishes (we are SO awful), they delivered a toothbrush to us in the middle of the night, excellent warm morning breakfast buffet and HOT WATER ALL THE TIME. No complaints what so ever about the hotel.
As for living with the boys, thankfully and miraculously i survived. Its a good thing that K is a very neat and clean boy and i know most of lx's habits thus there was no need to try to poison their eggs. For most days, we slept around midnight and got up at 4am (or at least i did). We made lunchboxes for convention days, ate breakfast in (whether it was the hotel buffet or stolen food from the hotel buffet from the day before), and public transited our arse to the con (which was a 45 minute trip each time). I'm proud of our very economical ways.

San Diego as a city is very lovely. I especially lurve their Gaslamp district which is equivalent to our distillery district, queen street and king street - all in one. Because our commute was so long and treacherous, we were not able to spend that much time there after the convention for offsite events and after parties. Personally if i was with other people id probably stay out til 4am and forget sleep but i chose to be a tad bit more responsible and opted to NOT do that. Also plus i couldn't really afford the drinking. If i was to go back id DEFINITELY want to party it up nice and hard there.

As for the actual convention, from a perspective of a wannabe-geek: it was AMAZING. I can only imagine for much more hardcore geeks, how much MORE amazing it must have been. I was not able to attend as many panels as i hoped to. Mainly because i was quite naive in believing that i only had to lineup max, 3 hours for a more "popular" panel but in reality that turned out to be about 3 hours MINIMUM waiting time and went up to 5-7 hours for my longest day. One of my tweeters tweeted me: Seems like all you are doing is that (line up). Which in fact that really WAS all i did. If you guys been through my albums, you would see how fukking ridiculous the line-up to go to some of these panels were. You really would not understand unless you were there. I have never seen anything like that in my life.

It was a joy to see everyone cosplay and i guess what made it count the most was the fact that nobody was judging anyone. You'd be surprised but there's people of ALL ages there- families, seniors, teens, kids, middle-aged Asian women, big black guys that cosplays. Its really not just, socially awkward fat white dudes as stereotypically comic geeks are portrayed as. There were some REALLY good looking guys too (BELIEVE IT OR NOT), so it was like a big satisfying buffet for me. Giggles giggles.

The real moment of the trip though, was when i touched Alex Skarsgards (Eric Northman from True Blood) thigh. It was so bloody amazing. I told EVERYONE that i knew about this. I was practically shaking after he handed my pass and sharpie back to me (fuk ya for bringing extra markers!!). But what made it EXTRA sweet was that i got sweet fucking revenge on this bitch that stole my seat earlier in the afternoon. She was behind me (even though she sat much closer to the stage then me) and was trying to get to him. She dropped her marker and USUALLY, i would pick it up for the person (even though it was seriously a fucking stampede. GIRLS ARE WILD) but no. For stealing my fucking seat, you get your marker kicked AWAY from you. That's right. I won't stay angry. i get fucking even. Don't mess. Karma is a BITCHHH.

i digress.

If i was given a chance to go again- i definitely WOULD go and l would probably dress up as well. It was nice to be surrounded by people who share the same excitement as you as oppose to people who don't understand why you are so excited about a fictional character. I know that a lot of my friends think im a tad bit weird for being such a geek and even though they don't say it nor judge me (not that much anyways lol), i do still feel a bit left out and a bit like a loser. Its not really their fault though because society has set up this aspect to be subjected to lots of judging. But its like that feeling that you get when all the popular kids talk about all the cool things they did on the weekend and asks you what you did and your the odd one standing out like a sore thumb. Yeah, its that feeling i get sometimes but its ok! I'm use to it!! And i have the boys to turn to for things like this.

So that's my trip is a nutshell! If i will be seeing you i will probably add in more detail and if you're just a reader than....i guess that's all you get.

l'll write up another entry on just a general update.....soon. HA.

i am a wizard not a baboon brandishing a stick bitch

WARNING - INTENSIVE HEAVY, WORD VOMIT OF HARRY POTTER-NESS KIND OF ENTRY WITH A MILLION PICTURES. YOU MIGHT WANT TO SKIP THIS ENTRY TOO IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

I just came home from watching the movie and I am still in disbelief that the movies are actually (and finally) done. This last Harry Potter film was.....unbelievable. Even though the story ended 4 years ago, i felt like I still had the movies to look forward to. But now, the magic really did end tonight for me and the millions of childhoods. A whole generation saying good bye.

I thought the movie REALLY did the last book justice. I waited 5 years, to see the great Hogwarts Battle. 10 years to see R&H finally hooking it up, 5 years to see that duel scene between M&B. To have all that visualized for you on screen is indescribable, and for it to be just as amazing as you imagined it in your head?!?! Again, indescribable.

To also grow up with the actors and actresses that plays the characters is also pretty amazing. Look at the change and transitions, visual:

sheeeesh. look at how HANDSOME they look now.

They were SOOO cute and tiny.

Part i cried the MOST

and

The Snape character was given proper justice in the movie. I think for his scene, i cried the hardest. Probably the hardest ive cried for ANY movie. Its right up there with the Notebook, beating out UP.

And of course, the trio- whom i will miss terribly

Turds.

# # #

Plus not enough emphasis on Ron who's the dorkiest boy in the world.

# # #

“The stories we love best do live in us forever, and whether you come back by page or by the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you forever.”
— JK Rowling.

I know that, its very hard for a lot of people to comprehend why and how this is such a significant. But its very emotional. Something that you have loved for 10 years (hey, longer than ANY relationship ive had with anything/anyone) its not that easy to see it end!!! If you think of it from OUR perspective, we find it very hard to understand why YOU GUYS, don't see the emotional attachment. Someone tweeted:

"lol @ people who have an emotional relationship with the Harry Potter films. They are good, but no need to cry that they are over."

FIRST OFF, i unfollowed that person that said that. Second, well, imagine me saying "Hey, your pet (insert animal here) was good to you too but no need to cry when she/he dies." to you.

..........

Yeah harsh right? That's exactly how we, as HP fans feel when you guys say that to us. It's actually a little hurtful, for me anyways. We don't expect you to understand because it IS difficult to understand but don't make it seem like its a joke (okay so i joke all the time about being a wizard and that there's such thing as *magic*, that's just me being difficult and being a clown haha) and that we are just blowing it out of proportions. Life as it is, is unbelievably difficult and brutal, this for us is just a lil bit of magic that we found. Plus, give it a little credit for its millions of supporters- its gotta fucking mean something right? I hate to compare (and believe me i am able to compare because i am just as hardcore with this series) but being disgustingly OBSESSED with Twilight (the movies) is VERY different from being obsessed with Harry Potter.

Something that’s worth so much in my life, that IS my life actually, has come to an end. I feel so incredibly lucky to have been part of this since its started. i stayed til the very end, the love for it isn't going to fade and i'm proud to be your friendly HP geek.

Life feels that little bit more emptier now. But thanks to all my friends who's been putting it up with this many years. Thanks to twin that got me started and shared the same love for HP with me all this time.

That's the end of this generation for me~

PS. Forgive the awful.....grammar, sentence fragments and unorganized thoughts. Its late and i'm still a bit overwhelmed.

a hearty long read

ROFL SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!! ANDDDDD, as someone said- If the Nat and Mila made a movie, it'd be "Black Swan II" HAHAH IRONYYYY

Anyways.

Hello everyone. I know that i've been totally MIA. I promised a blog post. I promised to keep up with my photo challenge but i've failed and i'm sorry. There's just been SOOO much going on and i feel like i have no time to do anything (aside from gymming. Seems like im there a lot eh).

Primarily im preoccupied with four things: Work (Freelance & Job Interviews), Arsenal Asia Tour & Transfer News, Comic Con planning and everything else that i will lump into MISCELLANEOUS.Thought i should do a quick rant while BLOG MODE is still on.

1. Work (Freelance & Job Interviews)

Before i head out to SanDiego, i really needed to finish up revisions if i want to be paid. Also, i've spent the past few days working on a design practical as part of a hiring process for another job interview that i got for ANOTHER company. Shit, doesn't it feel like something i've said before??? And to add onto that, about an hour ago i received a phone call to arrange a prelim phone interview with a second company this coming friday. This is getting a bit fucking ridiculous. Every time it SEEMS like i am getting close to a hire......something happens but NO FEAR, i have (yet) ANOTHER prospect lined-up. Clearly, im doing something right with my job-applying and its also very clear that its something that i am not doing or doing wrong during the final round of the interview process. I mean, i made it through first of all of them, you'd THINK i was doing something right. Apparently not. Ugh. #FML.

Wish me good luck though nonetheless! I gotta start prepping for it after finishing typing this up. Don't forget to send those prayers this way!!!!

2. Arsenal Asia Tour & Transfer News

You people will PROBABLY think this is silly. But no, this is not a laughing matter nor a matter to be taken lightly. Currently my team are in Malaysia and will be traveling to CHINA to play some friendlies with the teams there. Every day i busy myself with tweetpics and tweets of how theyre doing in asia and as well concerning myself with new players who might be joining the team and those who are leaving. It's extremely overwhelming and ive expressed this to people re: how its been effecting my mood. Twitter lately hasn't been a very good place to be lately for fans like myself. But seriously though, this consumes my life.

3. Comic-Con

Indeed we are in the final countdown days until i head to San Diego!!!! Not only are there up-to-date news almost every hour for me to stay on top of, there's also the scheduling that I am SO STRESSED OUT about. Its not even FUNNY how much i have to plan for.

Just to clarify what goes on at the convention. The San Diego Comic-Con (or #SDCC) is not just an enormous party where the participants are geeks, nerds and wizards. We don't just go there to read/buy/trade comic books, to dress-up, to get autographs from comic writers and illustrators and to have jedi, telekinesis mind-sex with the opposite sex. Sure all that STILL happens (ha ha) but there's more to it including something call PANELS. Panels are basically seminars/talks/presentations. It can be anything from: Obsession: How TV and Movies Go from Fascination to Phenomenon? to Oh, You Sexy Geek! to The Vampire Diaries Screening and Q&A.

In the recent years, the TV and Movie industry caught on, on this wicked-ass gathering and decided to use this event as a method of marketing whatever they wish to promote. So tv shows such as, Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, Dexter, Bones, Chuck, True Blood, Game of Thrones, Family Guy, Futurama, Big Bang Theory et more, were/are all present. CAST INCLUDED. In the past, movie previews inclded Alice in Wonderland, Sherlock Holmes, all the obvious superhero movies (X-Men, Ironman, Spiderman, Thor, etc), Tron, Twilight, Harry Potter, again, all present with the cast.


Overall its really just a huge event for geeks to unite. And lots of free swag.

Now that i've kind of explained comic con, Visual:

Yes, that is the schedule for the panels (which ive obviously shrunk to emphasize all the material im drowning in) that are available for the 3 days i am there (the convention is 4 days but im leaving that Sunday afternoon) and myyyyy task right now is to PLOW THROUGH THEM. Deciding what i REALLY want to see, what are my backups and of course, factoring in WAITING TIME for the bigger stuff i want to see. i.e. The Big Bang Theory panel which is currently more popular than the TWILIGHT panel #GEEKSUNITE.

i, repeat. i am SO stressed.

4. MISCELLANEOUS

And behold, the things i need to do and the faces i must see!

• Gym- I've been going at it pretty hardcore for the past 2 weeks. Doing two-three hour sessions, 4.5-6 times a week. Another thing that i've brought up amongst friends, is how unhappy i still am with the way i look. I'm unhappy because I know i can do better, i can look better than this. Why should i settle when i know that i am capable of achieving my ideal physique? That's what i tell myself anyways. Its a good thing that i love food way too much because I'm starting to sound like a Bulimic.
  
  
• Going out. Seeing people - No surprises here. There's peoples faces i want to see, birthdays to celebrate, catch-up that must occur. Enough said, those take up time. Not a complaint though.
  
  
• HARRY POTTER COUNTDOWN- The time has come. After ELEVEN years, it is FINALLY coming to an end, the Harry Potter movies. I have my tickets ready for Friday, I am ready to bawl my fucking eyes out, I am ready to say good bye to my childhood with twin beside me. It is going to be disgustingly epic. I'm going to type up a Harry Potter-related entry soon to commemorate friday. Await.

# # #

and just like that I ACTUALLY BLOGGED SOMETHING.

BOOOOO-YAH.

A Reading Treat

i feel like i haven't blogged in SO long and its gotten to a point where i dont even know where i should start. i'm sorry. ive been so lazy and ive been out and abouts. Guilty as charged! My readers must be dropping like flies. Sobs. Please come back. I promise to update more!!!!! I am pretty disappointed in myself if that makes you guys come back. I will also try to be as entertaining as possible.

STATUS: Its currently 1110pm, and the weather in my room is COLD. My fingers are like icicles and im wearing a hoodie w/ the hood on. What happened to the "supposed" storm anyways? Oh and might i add- im hungee as a fat grizzly bear.

...............................

Okay that was a lame intro. Not at ALL up to my usual entertaining par. So here's something entertaining to read before i start.

 It's an actual kijiji ad that u can see here: source or click on the pic for a screen shot.

It says: Wanted: Male

Hey, I'm Emma Finlayson. I'm 17 years old and am looking for a attractive male student (ages 16-18) who would be willing to accompany me to my prom for a couple of hours to take pictures and pose as my prom date. No, I am not a creeper. My friend and I are doing this to prove how stupid prom is, and also need someone to stand next to without looking weird. You can contact me from my email address. Price is flexible
P.S.- A hockey player or someone who likes hockey is preferred.

ROFL x NO COMMENT

ANYWAYS. ahhaha. Actual content now.

January totally flew by didn't it? I'm trying to remember what i did but my head is drawing a blank. I do know i did plenty though. And plenty of movies. Ohmygee i watched ALOT of movies in the past month. The Fighter (Worth Seeing, Christian Bale is hilarious), True Grit (I seriously dont know what the hype is with this movie. It has a 98% rating but i thought it was so shitty and i couldnt wait for the movie to end), Black Swan (Disturbing. Loved it), Tangled (Had zero expectations for this movie. Gotta say the "romantic" scene has gots to be by far the most romantic disney scene ever) & Blue Valentine (Tragic. Wouldn't have survived if i watched it 9 months ago). 

Oh yes. I went snowboarding over the weekend @ Blue. And got totally trashed right after wards (as expected). It was totally epic because i actually did not even drink that much (comparatively to my past experiences....it seriously wasn't even much. i blame it ALL on the fact i didnt eat dinner....again) but got so trashed that everybody thought i was weak sauce and passed out at 1230am. UGH. Total fail.

On the subject of boarding though- J was extremely patient with me during the learning process (even though i was actually a lot shitter when he was around. go figure). M was even more patient with me. Even after i took her down with me 10 million times and wasted half her day on the Big Baby hill, she STILL stuck by me and held my hand the entire way. Note to self (NTS), I owe her a really awesome dinner. At the end of the day i think i did REALLY well in the 6 hours i had though. I completely skipped baby hill,  its moving carpet (lol) &&& the kids on the moving carpet and jumped immediately to the lifts- I think people ought to be proud of me. I was quite determined to learn it though- just for the sake that J is pro at this shit and well yeah, i suppose i gotta at least be able to balance myself to not embarrass him. sighs. I do wish i have the funds to do it again. I think if i am going to do it again though, it would be only to go with the cousin. Otherwise.....i am too poor b/c rentals is a bitch. And rentals hurt my toes. Sad face.

Prior to going boarding though- had a fabulous post-New Years (winterlicious) dinner with the boys. Over dinner, the boys and i have decided to go ahead with plans to head to San Diego for COMIC CON 2011. Not a whole lot of details on that except that its going to be in July, for about 5-6 days, celebrate Coco's birthday while being there and a whole shit load of blogging, exploring and 110% nerding it out!!!!!!!!!! Bahahah Going to be a trip of a life time if it works out. Crosses fingers.

So now. Present day February. It's Chinese New Years eve as of now. Its an hour since i started this entry and i am still not done (and i am still hungry). February is going to be a freakingggggg fast month (aside from the obvious fact that its shorten. duh).

Stuff im looking forward to this month  
(half of which i copied and pasted from A because our schedule is the same)

• The X and O Vday Partay 
• Vday
• FIFA Friendlies! France vs Brazil + Spain, Holland, Germany, England..<3
• UEFA Champions League - Arsenal vs. Barca (my teams!!!!!!! so torn)
• WEMBLEY! Arsenal is going to Wembley for the Carling Cup final (!!!)
• Family day weekend
• Futbol WAG Evenings w/ A
• One more Winterlicious Dinner

I actually cannot wait for March to come because of a certain FETE the cousin and lovely R are co-hosting once again. Ohmygod words cannot express the excitement i feel. Last year they held a Graffiti party and it was just insane. This year is going to be messier and bigger i swear. 

STAY TUNED ALERT: I have a whole blog entry im ready to write about for Chinese New Year. That will be for tomorrow. Just saying.

Oh my god i just learnt (from facebook haha) that a friend is engaged. Wow. That's two couples i learned in one night that's newly engaged. and theyre MY age. Dot dot dot. Isn't that so lovely. !@#$

Moving on.

I was reading my cousins blog earlier in the evening re: beast mode, losing weight and all that fun stuff and i'm pretty much on the same boat as she is. If people haven't noticed, but i haven't been loading pictures on facebook. Whenever i don't, it pretty much means that i look like shit and i don't want to display how i look, as selfish as it may sound. During the summer, i can honestly say i was in the best shape i have ever been in my entire life. I did kickboxing twice a week, combated on average 3.5 times a week, attended kettle bell warm-ups twice, hot yoga once a week and weight training 2 or 3 times a week. I was extremely hardcore and it showed in my clothes sizes and pictures. Now i'm back to the fat panda i always have been and it has really put a toll on my self-esteem (that i had very little to begin with) and ive gotten into the "i-only-wear-black" phase because of this recent weight re-gain. I am hungry all the time, especially at night before i sleep and i find myself eating constantly because im sure my stomach has enlarged again therefore it needs that extra food to fill it. Rolls are coming out and my face is as large as a pancake that can feed 4. It really sucks balls but my current work situation and the weather is NOT making it very easy for me to lose that weight again. That said though, i KNOW i can lose it.....but i just like ranting about it. Hopefully the cousin and i can work towards that goal of ours and be damn fit again when the weather gets hotter.

Another side note- I am quite thankful that I have my cousin as my motivational partner when it comes to wanting to lead a more "healthier" lifestyle. Our goals are pretty much the same, our social lifestyle is pretty much the same (we both do enjoy a shot or six) also. In terms of exercising, i find that we both are into high intensity workout regimes. We don't like pilates, we don't like regular yoga or jogging. We both like extreme bootcamp-like shit and i find she is the only person that is able to keep that same high intensity pace up whereas others slow down after half an hour or after 4 man push-ups. I absolutely love that about her (amongst other things of course). I realllllly hope she knows what a tough cookie she is. She's tough and she motivates the shit out of me. I love her for that.

Last but not least.

I forgot how hard it is, to start something new. I completely forgot and i feel myself making the same mistakes again. I don't entirely understand why i allow this to happen again, it just keeps on happening. and here i am, thinking i am so boss of my situation and i won't let it happen again. But the truth is, at the end of the day i'm just going to be that same person that gives too much, expects too much. No matter how much game i speak of, who it is. Clearly i turned out liking you, a lot more than i originally planned.

Okay sleep time. Manager gaves me the day off tmr because of the Snowpocolypse that's FINALLY occurring.

 Someone that took a pic of the storm DT and tweeted it as of 1:26am

Taking advantage of this by being productive, applying for jobs tomorrow morning, more blogging, figuring out which Arsenal jersey (finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!) i will be ordering while sipping on delish Korean Brown Rice Green tea, Forever nuts tea and chomping away on my Starbucks caramel macchiato biscottis that i purchased earlier tonight.

OUTS! Hope the read made up for the lack.

NEW YEARS POST - ITS A LONG ONE YO.

Greetings, greetings. My first entry (well not really anymore) of the new years and it is currently being typed at a Starbucks where I am surrounded with snotty white people (no offense). I have about 2 hours and a half before L's farewell dinner to finish this but i highly doubt that i will because i have a zillion thoughts in my head right now. Hopefully i can focus and get the majority typed up. HA! FAILLLL.So clearly that did not happen and i am now at home on a snowy evening with my Forever Nuts tea almost a week after new years when i promised this entry on the 3rd. SORRY!

So my NYE festivities was disgustingly (in all aspects) epic. Needless to say- I got so sloshed that probably half an hour into entering the club I was completely k/o'ed. I must've had ONE drink out of the FIVE bottles we had and didn't even notice when the finger food and desserts were circulating. It was almost like GCM formal but a bit worst because I actually welcomed the new years with my head in the toliet!!!!!!

God I am SO classy.

I do apologize to my cousin again though, for being obligated to take care of me (as usual) and for defending my honour by punching a girl in the face! Nothing says Cousin Love like punching someone out. I loves it. I only wished I was able to back you up because I'm dying to try out my right hooks. haha

The most hilarious thing I have to share though was the fact that we actually bumped into that same group of people that we got into a fight with the previous night when we went for our extremely late brunch. Talk about the world being a small place!!!!! Fak that was one heck of a meal hahah being hungover and starving is never a good combo. The day continued with a Big Bang Theory marathon, Shanghai food and a Caesar w/ a side of yam fries. Quadtriple loves!

Now the fun part. My reflections part for 2010!

This has been one fucking tough year for me. Mostly the struggle was with career and relationship coming in mid-year. Family troubles and arguments are unpreventable, they were a bit more manageable until the days leading up to the holidays. One thing that did come out of this year was the strengthening of friendships and the number of new people i met. I guess it's a give or take right? Even though it would be nice to have it all...

Career-wise

i entered 2010 still working extremely unhappily for the rat. I recall wanting to quit in the fall of 2009 and i carried this into the new years. Something that i should not have done but I did because i was extremely comfortable with my situation. It all went downhill, more meltdowns and more cutbacks. It got to a point where one early morning I needed to wake up at 6am to design something for him to review at 9am. I recall how awful and exhausted i felt when i turned on my laptop to spit out a quick design for him. I had a mini meltdown and at 6:45am - i called him to officially quit. That was the end of that nightmare....even though i DO have to return his email. I extremely dread the response but i must for he is my latest employer and reference. Ugh. Total FML. He still has power over me. I hate that.

This year has made me realize though what is it that i HATE in a job and at the same time i learned a little bit more of what i would like in a job that i would enjoy going to every single day. I still don't know what I want or where i want to be in 10 years time but i guess that's really something i must discover as each day goes by.....and not slack in the process.

What i do aim for this year though is obviously for a full-time job. God has been good to me and has allowed me to be unemployed but granted me this thing called Employment Insurance and Freelance work. Up until recently, a part-time job was granted to me to keep myself from getting too use to this thing called "being paid to do nothing but drink on weeknights, watch soccer games and gym any time i want". Yup definitely can't get TOO use to that haha.

I also need to get back into blogging more often. Since it is my passion. One thing as well is to get back into "Wedding" blogging. Not many people know this but I do have a separate "Wedding" blog where obviously i post things related to Weddings. I don't like sharing it because its weird and also something i still wish to keep private. However that said because of my lack-of belief in happily-ever-afters, i've stopped with that because i can't blog about something i don't believe in. I do think it is time for me to start up again and see how i feel because ultimately the Wedding Industry would be somewhere I would like to end up in.

i don't particularly like talking about this subject. Primarily because i dont know what i want and the topic makes me feel incompetent and useless.

I just gotta prioritize, stop slacking and look (not hope) for opportunities.
I need to be more ambitious. I need to push more and be less fearful.
I know i'm better than this.
 

Friendship

The year of friendships i must say. Friendships and bonds that solidify and i am completely thankful for. Its those moments where they cry with you, they see the pain and the struggles in your eyes but they are there to reassure that things will be fine okay. Something i am extremely thankful for. On top of that, i met a lot of people near the end of the year which is always nice. I spend a lot more time with friends. I would be an idiot to have a resolution that says "spend more time with friends" because it shouldn't be a goal. It should be a lifestyle, something that i will never, ever take for-granted any more. Being in a relationship or not - value your friendships. They will last longer than anything.

I'm going to elaborate on this a little further because of an earlier conversation I had with a friend. She's currently being placed a "test of friendship/relationship" kind of situation and also stories of how girls in so called "groups" are treating each other.

I feel extremely blessed to have the friends that I do have in my life. The distance they go for me is amazing. K was telling me what her and my cousin originally started planning for me for my birthday and i am SHOCKED at the magnitude of the surprise that they almost pulled off. It was SO huge that she even started talking to some of the GCM kids.

That......is INSANE. Because as everybody knows very well, i tend to not want to "mix" groups. I don't know why i do that but i do. So to even attempt (or have THOUGHTS to attempt) to pull EVERY GROUP i chill/party with together in one room without my knowledge is utterly disgustingly crazy.

Fak. I am still in shock.lol But i mean that's one example of what they would do for me. Versus what some of these girls (that i was referring to earlier) WON'T do for one "friend" and it just baffles me and makes me sad that some people just aren't as fortunate as i am to have these amazing girlfriends (not to boast or anything like that).

But its actually very true, I am unbelievably spoiled. In every way imaginable. My parents spoil me, my friends spoil me rotten and when i had a boyfriend, he spoiled me to the core too. Again, to not boast but it is something that I do realize and really do not want to not value.

Thank yous alls.

Personal Growth

I think the breakup truly showed me how much i've grown up since my last break-up in terms of maturity level and will to bounce back. Not only that though, i noticed a lot of changes in the way i see and feel about certain things.

People have expressed to me how much harsh and bitter ive gotten lately. Not only that though, in recent years i've been told that i am less happy-go-lucky. I sincerely believe in what that quote says though. Not necessarily the letting people push me around part because i am still pretty "nice" (its a lot better now) but in general its true. I do see the bitter side of things a lot more easily, and become negative a lot faster than being positive. I do want to be that happy girl again but its just so hard in a world so full of negativity. One happy dork is going to do jack squat to help the world full of hate.

That said i feel like ive changed SO much in one year (this year) but i still have a lot of growing up to do. I know that i do. I'm still very immature....which is really sad. Hopefully now on my own l'll be able to change many of the flaws I have in myself and grow to be the person I know I can be. Perhaps maybe even happy-go-lucky again.

Relationships

This was huge. Everybody knew how huge and devastating this was. That said, i want this entry to be the last time that i rant/blog about it. It's the past for a reason and i do not want to carry it over in 2011.

I would say this was the fastest i have ever bounced back and attempt to lead that single life again. I'm actually quite surprised at myself and very proud too. That said i'm a lot more angrier but hey that's normal right? lol Some days are tough but most days are good. Boys are dumb anyways. Except my Arsenal and Barca boys.

Not to repeat myself. But I understand fully now. Why, things are the way that they are. No point in dwelling, wondering, waiting. At the end of the day, if it was meant to be, it will be.

Thank you for everything though. It truly was wonderful and breathtaking.

Maybe one day l'll believe again!

The only thing i would say in terms of goal for this aspect of my life is simply- stay out of trouble.

Some of you would know exactly what im talking about. HA.

Soccer

Ok you people might think i am so stupid for allowing soccer to have such a huge section on its own but in truth its really has grown to be that big part of my life. My fascination with soccer began with World Cup 2006, the England team and Michael Owen. I remember distinctively i cried when England got eliminated in the Quarter finals by Portugal (my first image of C.Ronaldo....roar). After WC06 i didn't get into soccer at all and kinda just waited it out until this summer for WC2010. And that's when the madness began. I found myself educating myself on the actual game, i watched them play (rather than focusing on the players) and got dramatically upset when the team i had chosen on my pool sheet (ya i was gambling also ha!) got eliminated. World Cup this summer was actually quite amazing for me but i know 2014 is going to be even more epic. That said after Spain (my hunks) won the World Cup, the void became extremely unbearable and overwhelming that i decided to start watching and following actual English Football.

I do admit what initially drawn me to soccer was the men. But now it seriously is not even the case anymore because i love every single one of the boys on the teams i cheer for- and there are some pretty NON goodlooking guys on the team. Now i am just fixated to the game, and the meaning behind every game and the love i have for my teams. I know that ALL my friends do not understand (nor do they have the TIME to even try to figure out lol) this overly huge fixation and devotion i have to my team and soccer. Its like a quote i've posted before:

Football is more than a sport, it's a way of life. It's seeing your teams play & cursing when the ref gives a yellow. It's crying when your teams lose and even more when they win. It's praying that the player who got injured heals quickly and without complications. It's the pride you feel, when you say their name, or wear that jersey. It's sticking with your team no matter if they win or lose because they will always be champions to you.

&&

Swearing obscene things at the bar. cussing out random strangers for talking shit about your team and making new bffs for liking the same teams?!

Its SO hard to explain my devotion to the game and the team. I do not over-exaggerate when i say that im upset when my team loses because i actually do become genuinely upset and sad. And when my team wins, its like i successfully accomplished something myself. It has consumed and become part of my life and seriously, like it or not it shere to stay lol. If i am able to force myself to wake up to watch it after a night of drunken madness or to be up at 745am and i was out until 4am the previous night - that's saying a lot.

So just to EDUMAHCATE you guys. In simple non-soccer lingo. There are TWO main soccer clubs i follow:

ARSENAL and BARCELONA. 

One belongs to the ENGLISH league, one the SPANISH league. Very different leagues. Its like comparing grapes with bananas - DIFFERENT. Closer to the end of the year i have been turned into a HARDCORE Arsenal fan. Fans are called, GOONERS, the players are called GUNNERS.

Still with me?

Then there are NATIONAL teams. National are COUNTRY teams that play at the WORLD CUP and other NATIONAL tournaments. In that "category", i am a loyal SPAIN fan (where the players are from different CLUBS from the ENGLISH and SPANISH league).

See. Its not that hard. Now you know who i love. haha =]

Oh futbol what have u done to me.


On other subjects for the New Years-

BOOKS
I don't know why i do this but i buy books A LOT faster than i read them. I really need to finish the STACK of books i have before the stack becomes overwhelming. That said i'm currently reading The End of the Alphabet by CS Richardson.

I think a goal is to try to finish a novel per month. It would be nice to keep it up. I do adore reading very much.

VACATIONS
Oh this is huge. I need a FULL TIME job if i am to be able to go on ANY of these trips that are in the talks.

• Washington DC- To watch the Barcelona/Manchester United Game
• Somewhere hawt and all-inclusive for my Cousins 25th
• San Diego, CA- COMIC CON 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• New York - still in the talks with the cousin. Very uncertain if i can do it given we were aiming for february. And i have very little funds.

Yes....definitely need to save.

WEDDINGS AND WEDDING PROPOSALS
 I'm confirmed for one wedding and pre-confirmed for two proposals.
Enough said- FUCKKKK YES I LOVE WEDDINGS.

-------------------------------------------------------

Overall 2010 has in fact been the worst year for me in a very long time. A lot of things didn't go well, a lot of things didn't work out. I'm not really going to "list" resolutions because i do that every year and it just gets forgotten. That said though it HAS been said that writing out (or in my case typing it out), one is more likely to have it done. Perhaps l'll do that when i dont feel the need to wrap this up haha. What i thought would be interesting is to copy and paste my resolutions from LAST YEAR and see if i did any of it. HAHA.

• Get my website up and going (I totally ditched that) 
• HA. Did not happen. I realllllly NEED to get that up. And business cards. YAHH. I need those too.
  
• Really reflect and figure out what I want to do in life and find direction
  Because its not even about money anymore...even though it probably is but for the sake of sounding less greedy, lets say its not.  
• It was fail
  
• Find a more steady job 
• Even more of a fail
  
• Start financing, build a portfolio and save up for my dream. 
• Fail again 

• Find a sport that the mister and I can play 
• Nada. No mister no more. That said i should find a sport cousin dearest and i can play lol

• Grow my hair longgggg.  
• GETTING THERE!!.
• Take care of my skin
• I WAS there. Not anymore : (
• Lose weight
• SHIT. I WAS there in August. Totally totally fell off the bandwagon and now effing fat again. FUCKERY. I am so so angry at myself.
  
• Get back into my fitness regime
• Gotta say i stuck to it pretty well. Except for those occasional slips
  
• Go get my Physical test that ive over-procrastinate about
• HAHAH I ACTUALLY DID THIS.
  
• Eat more fruits and make an effort to make sure every cooked meal has some kind of vegetable I can eat (even if it means yams everyday)
• I did....for a month. Fuk Fail.
  

• G2 G2 G2 G2 G2 G2 [CHECKKKKKK]
• PASSPORT PASSPORT PASSPORT  [CHECKKKKKK]
• Indoor Volleyball with the kids [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
• Outdoor Paintballing with the kids [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
• Cottege Cottege ...camping count? [CHECKKKKKK]
• NYC NYC NYC [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
• Learn how to contour my face (haha sounds wrong) & how to use bronzer PROPERLY  [CHECKKKKKK...........sorta]
• Bake more [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
• Complete my DIY Projects [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
• Get my Full Set of Contacts for the year  [CHECKKKKKK]
• SWIMMING SWIMMING [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
• SNOWBOARD SNOWBOARD  [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
• Finish my room reno by Summer 2010 [TRIPLE FAIL]

Omg. Told you  my year was a fucking fail. haha

-------------------------------------------------------

To end off the post. 
Note to self:

• don’t be such a bitch
• don’t be a push over
• don’t be a idiot
• don’t make bad choices
• don’t lose focus
• don’t let anyone push you around
• don’t fall for a fool
• don’t be a fool
• don’t play with his heart
• don’t get your heart played
• don’t look for a relationship out of loneliness
• don’t get into a relationship until your ready
• don’t slack off
• don’t do anything stupid
• don’t break your morals
• don’t break your own rules!
• don't push your boundaries.
• don’t degrade yourself......
• don’t degrade your family
• don’t degrade girls
• don’t degrade anyone
• don’t fuck up in life
• don’t fuck up in the future
• DON’T BE A DISAPPOINTMENT
• don't expect much

Good bye 2010. Bring it on 2011. I'm ready for all 525,600 minutes of you.

Hope you enjoyed the read, as per usual.  I kind of rushed it near the end because i want to sleep and because i just wanted to get this done. Sorry!


OUTS.

Severe case of Holiday Blues

I tried really hard to change how this Christmas was going to be like this year. Everything i can do to not be alone, to create new traditions, to not allow myself to be pitiful and feel sorry for myself. I seriously, honest to god felt the way my Christmas Eve was spent - things might actually not be so bad and god probably might even be good to me.

Things dramatically went downhill from there. The root and cause of the problem being things at home. The favoritism of my brother has never been more evident - no matter how successful I am, my brother is entitled to the same luxuries without working for it. I feel like I am growing further apart from my mother because of her stubborn, restrained and old-fashion mind. The plus side is I feel like sometimes now that the older my father gets, the more he understands things.......when he isn't angry that is.

Everything just fell apart.

The perfect Christmas that i was suppose to have, expected to have - Gone. Stolen. Taken away from me.

The new Christmas that i wished to have now also non-existing with the exception of the great couple of hours escape i had over at K's last night. It was a great few hours i got to spend in company of good people. Her family are kind people to let me join. I appreciate and am forever grateful for that. They have no idea.

Then this morning those broken parts of this holiday just continued to crumble into dust. I got into the largest fight with the mother I have EVER gotten into in the existence of my life. It was brutal. Beliefs were brought up, harsh words were exchanged and it was obvious she was not gonna back down and knowing me when i am pissed, my attitude and face exhibits the words - Bring. It. On.

Yes, to my own mother. It was the worst, sickening and hurtful feeling.

I know that all of my friends are busy with boxing day and holiday festivities and the one thing i hate is to hassle them with my problems. I refuse to have friends change their plans for me. I refuse to have people go out of their way to see me. People that cares about me has done SO much for me this year without me asking for anything. You do not pay back good grace with selfishness. You do not treat people like that (something that I was trying to make my mother understand during our fight) and I especially am not going to repay back my friends by dragging them out of what they originally plan simply because i am sad.

I HAD to get out of the house even though I still have a fever and a crazy beast-like cough. Which was why i took refuge to the one place (as STUPID as it sounds) i know l always feel safe and warm at - Starbucks. After drugging myself up with cough meds and sinus drugs I ran all the way to the Yonge and Eglinton Starbucks because i also remembered my 2nd haven was there (being my used bookstore) aka My peaceful sanctuary.

So far its been a good choice to come. I find books to be very comforting (as NERDY as that sounds), the people working are always pleasant, i found 3 books, it was worth the trip. As for Starbucks, i know the workers were going to be good to me (been to this location a couple of times before and never been given grief), the guy at the bar even got me to laugh for a bit - more than i can ask for today. Sad how a coffee shop can give me that type of security. Might be the meaning behind it. Which would be even more sad.

That said comes down to me being here alone, typing up this vent with tears streaming down my face.

I hope they don't think im suicidal. Don't think SB is insured for that kind of stuff.

I'm alright. I'll get through this. Because hey, when do i ever not cry? : )

Bye.

My Gift to you all- Merry Christmas

Oh its been a while boys and girls. A while since ive actually really sat down and really wanted to "blog". There has been so many blog-worthy topics and moments over the past weeks but my laziness has gotten the better of me and since this Wednesday, the cold-bug has gotten the best of me. I still feel like poo but thank god for this thing called Tylenol Sinus and Cold, i am able to function.

Today is Christmas Eve as we all know. I officially started typing this around 10pm. I hope by midnight i would have this completed with something juicy and entertaining for you to read as a Christmas gift from me to you. Please do forgive me for the terrible grammer and lack of cohesion because i am still pretty drugged & stuffed up.

Lets back-track shall we?

I promised people a MIAMI post. HAHA oh dear i am so sorry. But i find it kind of pointless to blog the details of the trip when those i actually care about and DO talk to- already know the details of it and i dont want to be redundant. That said though l'm still going to talk about it briefly in an overview sense rather than- what we did on what day and what we ate on what time.

As everyone know, i went to South Beach Miami with one of my best girls C, as a mini getaway for an extended long weekend. We stayed at a beautiful hotel that was literally minutes away from the ocean and another few minutes away from this popular shopping/entertainment/restaurant strip call Lincoln Shopping Strip. Both of us has gone through what we felt like life has done us wrong again (relationship and career-wise). For many evenings prior to our trip it was literally like deja vu where she would be smoking outside on my driveway and we both would just pour our hearts out to each other - just like almost 6 years ago. Where life again played us as fools. Anyways being doomed together, we thought "Hey why not take our doom-ness to somewhere HAWT". Hence the idea was form and we were on a plane to Florida! It was ironic (but not shocking) that we felt many of the same emotions as we left Toronto together on a plane and many scenic things reminded us of certain things. Our trip consisted of us exploring, eating, drinking, shopping, tanning, partying, counting how many pairs of homosexual men that we saw in the remaining duration of our trip.

FYI Kids- South Beach is not a place to get laid. Unless your a guy.

Seriously! Nothing against gays but there was WAY too many that it was a BIT overwhelming. Perhaps it was an underground festival that we did not know about? WHO KNOWS. Maybe boys should tell me that would you ever go shopping/strolling with your bff down a popular tourist strip? I really want to know. Over 80 "suspected" homosexual couples counted within one meal is A LOT if you ask me. 

Another observation- the men that parties there are GENTLEMEN.

They are far from the usual douchey, pushy, obnoxious BOYS in Toronto. I was fairly impressed by the two groups of men that asked us to join their party at this club call Mansion (highly recommended if you are into Hiphop, top40 and oldschool socca....at the end of the night. obvs.) and their mannerism. Sure they aren't lookers and were a bit older than we were but their politeness was what won me over! Thank you Montreal Guy from Room 1 and Black Guy from Room 2! lol

The trip was far, far too short. The weather was amazing. Being able to dine outside in a maxi dress in the middle of December is really something. One thing i did during the trip though was really thought things over. I can go on hating life and fate but i can also take it as a lesson or just another punch thrown at me and stand right back up. I completely admit when we were flying back i felt incrediably sad. I looked out and it was gloomy like that very day, around the same time too and i recalled how happy i was because after a great vacation i was coming home to something. Not this time- i was coming home to nothing ("metaphorically", not "literally") and it was a sharp stab. That said i completely snapped out of it because there's absolutely nothing to be sad about (except from maybe my Job and Weight issue haha). I understand now.

 ive come to understand that there is no suffering if you do neither.
why would anyone want to forget the good times and let time dance by you as you do that? That to me is suppressing, not accepting. It's one choice to choose to suffer. It's also one's choice to put an end to it.

For those interested: I don't feel remotely awkwardness blogging about how i feel even though I know that he comes by here sometimes to read up on what random stuff i have to share. I consider this a growing process and what Junior calls- a mature confession. I'm not asking for ANYONE to hold my hand or AW at me when i talk about this. Blogging has always been my outlet and i do feel much better each time i type it all out. I also think this is why after so many years, people still come by and read my blog. Its because i'm real and i blog about what's real. I don't hide what i feel, if i slip - i admit that i slip. if im on the floor sobbing, i will admit it too. I can go on forever on this topic but l'll leave it here because theres soooooo much more i want to blog about lol

I DIGRESS.

During the trip I confessed many things to her and i feel like we understand each other a lot more. One thing is for sure though- i now stand by even more and have faith that one day things will work out for you C. You are strong, a fighter and again this is just one of those blowouts that will turn into an eventual win for you. A win that will be for life. Greater things have yet to come for you. Love you lots!

Totally random kids, but for my girl readers.
You guys know that i'm not big on purses and bags right? I'm all about vintage purses and hobo bags. But after seeing these two pictures.

Wow. Pure class. 

I totally want a chanel bag now. Especially the BLUE one. Holymoly. I wonder if its real? Can anyone confirm for me? Anyhoo that's just a thought.

Let's see what else is up. Oh yes- the other day i went engagement ring shopping with someone (for the nature and secrecy of the proposal....i cannot disclose how close i am to this person because it would be busted if the girlfriend EVER comes by my blog) and it was SO educational. Who knew diamonds can be SO complex? Okay bad question, it is complex. Its not like buying romaine lettuce (okay maybe it is. LOL INSIDE JK ONLY jay siu & K understands).....where u can just CHOOSE something. So here i was walking around claiming to be his xxxxxx (again, cannot reveal the nature. might compromise the secrecy) and im asked to try on the rings for him. Man, i hate engagement rings. For someone like me that is so into weddings i absolutely HATE them. I feel like they are unnecessary and as ive expressed my opinion many times before, i think my future husband should just effing skip the engagement ring and buy me a really beautiful diamond crested thick thick wedding band. Then spend the duration of the money on photography. hahaha just saying. We made our rounds around Yorkdale and it was SO brutal and draining. All that sparkle totally blinded me. I was glad to finally had my delicious Caesar, YARD of beer (fuckery i think i have a small liking for beer now) and Poutineeeeee at Honest Lawyers with xxxxx (no need to explain right?) joining us shortly. Overall it was a great day - im whole-heartedly honoured to be the one you chose to ask to go ring shopping. I really can't wait for the wedding. I think it would be very heart-wrenching.

But wow. It is almost midnight, this entry really did almost take two hours to write. Back to present day being Christmas Eve. I really thought today was going to be depressing. This year (aside from being brutally sick for the past couple of days!!!! omgosh) i opted out to go to ANY family outtings. To those that talk to me on a regular basis would know why so i don't want to repeat. That said things were done traditionally....for a very long time. Suddenly i have no idea what to do since the tradition is no longer in place. That said i am forever grateful for my day today. I was actually.....not sad. lol I've actually been...pretty happy lately. Thank you.

So here I am now, all snugged up in my germ-infested bed, my Forever Nuts (nom nom nom) tea with a gigantic dash of honey and a pill im ready to take to knock myself out - but not before i make my rounds of Merry Christmas via text/bbm/fb.

One thing i must say though before i end this- holy shit i AM giving a fuck. Taking it one day at a time.

No such thing as getting burned again yo. Not for me....

WoooOOO dont you guys love open-ended, metaphorical ramblings from me?!??

Tis officially 12:00am people.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!!!

Stay beautiful. Thanks for staying with me. Hope you all enjoyed the glamorous, belated post! Expected a similiarly long/longer post to close the New Years (ive even started writing a bit of it!).

Be excited!!!!

My drugs are next to me. After seeing C its K/O for me!

outs.

Week Review & Friday Catch-Up

It seems like recently I have been dedicating my Friday nights to be "rest my liver and wallet" nights and also the night that allows me to catch up with my blogging. I swear that was all i wanted to do today. I went out to hunt for the key pieces of my Halloween costume (which btw, i am extremely content to say that my outfit is 80% done!!! All that is missing at the moment is the jewelery piece *which is SHIPPED & on its wayyy*, my maskkk *which is trapped at customs! sobs* and gloves!) that took up pretty much the entire morning. Met up with someone, ran errands, dealt with a lot of frustration on the side all the while wanting to just sit down in front of my laptop and catch up on my blogging!!!!

For anybody who gives a damn, but I got a call-back for one of the positions that i applied for asking for references. Hmm that must be the first reference check ive gotten in YEARS. I hope the rat says good things. i REALLY need the extra cash flow. I'm also actually looking forward to starting work again with Albie because again, extra cash flow!!! Halloween is going to DRAIN me kids.

But i do have a message for friends.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Friends,

Can someone buy me my birthday present a couple of weeks early? Preferably by the 30th of this month so i can wear it to my Halloween parties?

I would LOVEEEE to wear these shoes as part of my costume!!!! Or even the all black laced-up version. They are 49.99 (or maybe theyre 59.99) from Payless Shoes @ Fairview. Size 6.5 or 7 please!!!!

Please don't forget that i treat Halloween like its my birthday therefore by giving me an amazing Halloween it means giving me an amazing birthday.

TEEHEE

Love,

K

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

YO. Another thing. People. I need hangers. Please txt me when you see a place that has hangers on sale!!!! I have clothes folded/layed/stuffed away everywhere in my room and its not good for the soul. Also my mom is concerned that it will attract bugs (?!?!?!?) so to rid of my mom's concern- i. need. to. buy. hangers.

THANKS.

Another meet-up with the kids tomorrow and then to see C on Sunday! The week has been way too long without our midweek meetup.

For this week (and even last), i feel like i've totally wasted it by not being productive. I'm going to make a promise to myself that next week's productivity will be triple of what it was for the past two. I really need to finish my portfolio site, complete K's invite project, start applying for jobs again and some stuff i can't think of before the other projects start-up.

Alright. Until next week another entry? Haha

Gah. I hope not because being productive also means blogging once a day for all you lovely people.

Enjoy the SIX entries (scroll down bitches) i wrote for your amusement lovely peoples. I hope i make sense. So much words makes me a little confused sometimes. OKAY. HUNGRY. BYE.

Attack of the Hambugers

AN UPDATE.

FINALLY.

I know. I'm sorry. I have been so so lazy especially today for some reason. I even missed my 1215 combat class because i didn't get up in time to be productive.

Anyhoo. Plenty to rant about, plenty for youS to read. I actually blogged abouts several things since last Wednesday but have been totally putting it off because i've been pretty busy. Life is definitely moving forward with many things happening and i'm pretty content with the many "things" i have to tend to.

So as far as my memory can take me..........

• Met up with Jleung for dimsum and flying.
  I remember when i use to get a little angry that he's always the 3rd wheel when i was with the prior-mister. Now thinking back, i feel uber guilty and ridiculous that i would get upset over something so trivial. I'm glad that we're still friends despite all that has happened. We went for dim sum at Pearl and it was the most expensive dim sum i've ever had (to date). God it was outrageous to pay 6 bucks for Hai Gow!!! Craziness. Even T&T sells it for only 2 bucks and to be honest it kinda tasted the same. I guess i'm paying for the view (which was very nice fyi). Of course during our brunch, he did his Quarterly Check-Up and Maintenance work on my BB. ^^ Patched it up and now its operating good as new!!! (With the exception of the ACCIDENT that almost costed me a bb which will be later discussed....) Then he spontaneously decides to take me on a city tour...IN THE AIR. Its like the coolest thing ever to have a friend that can operate a plane. We walked to the Toronto Islands Airport (the weather was soooo nice) and he did his thing and took us up. It was pretty cool. I've never seen J so serious at something because he's normally petty jokes and laid back lol It was a gooood experienceeeeee. Probably going to meet up again when he's back from HK and has me a solar-power device that can charge my BB!!! It was a pretty awesome day. I am glad i made that effort to meet up.
  
  
• Jess's Farewell @ Spice Route.
  I actually am not very fond of that restaurant but the lounge area turned to be a lot better than their dining area. J was completely plastered and i had a really good time even though we left a bit earlier. I got my buzz, i dressed up and (thought) i looked good, lots of camera whoring. We got tequila shots on the house (courtesy of the cousin and our sneaky ways), bottle (courtesy of the cousin's bf). It was a VERY pleasant night. I want picturesssss.
  
  
• Bloor West Date with K and J
  Met up with the girls for really good Hamburgers at Yellow Griffin Pub (they are famous for having 35 different types of burgers which includes a Peanut Butter and Jam one) over at the Bloor West end. The trip was also to check out a venue for her bday. The venue surprisingly looks extremely rustic (in a good way) and i'm surprised with how much i like it and the many things i can do to it to give K the best 25th bday a girl can have. Afterwards we went to Sweet Flour and baked a cookie that almost killed us 3 because of all the sugar and butter in one small pastry.....but personally i think its worth it because Salted Caramel is something worth dying for. 
• We watched the Vampires Suck movie
  If people did not know what this movie was about, it's basically a movie poking at/making fun of Twilight

Yes. The movie poster TOTALLY says it all doesn't it. Being the devoted and loyal Twilight fan that i am, i felt i should watch it to see what people/non-fans feel about the franchise and what is there to make fun of since...i feel like....there IS nothing to make fun of.....haha I shouldn't be SO narrow-minded right? No. I SHOULD have been narrow minded and said NO to the movie because not even two minutes into the movie, i face palmed myself and then fell asleep about 40 minutes into the movie. It was a HUGE Twilight fan fail. Haha anyways i am glad J and K enjoyed the movie though. It would have been downright epic fail if they hated it too. lol

Thoughhhhhhh i gotta say, Ken Jeong was the highlight of the movie. This man is seriously the funniest moveable, talkable human being on the face of this earth. Even his face is funny looking. hahah i enjoyed HIS parts (that i did not miss when i was actually awake). HA HA FAIL.
The evening ended with us heading over to the Milestone Bar for apps and drinks. I love these two, i always such fun and relaxing girls day with them. <3

• Job Interview Prep/Actual Interview with CI
  Okay so this was pretty interesting. I received a posting for the position last Wednesday and this was seriously the first job posting (since the Disney Creative Intern post.....that i regretfully missed due to bigger issues i was dealing with at the time) in a very long time that caught my eye. That said under Junior's advice i aimed to get my CV into their inbox before Thursday. Unfortunately for me, the state my resume and CL was in, it was NOT ready to be sent to anybody. So in between gymming and going out to see people, i pulled 3am nights just for this particular position at my dream company. Sent it in with complete confidence (along with two other company postings) but to my horror, i noticed that the company posted an external post on Monster. Obviously they are going to get a zillion better CVs and mine is going to be lost in the pile.
  
  To my surprise though, they actually called me back for a phone interview (that i have tweeted and somewhat mentioned before) that i felt like i completely bombed. Even more devastated now (then), i went ahead and did a personality index assessment that they requested and was basically not expecting a call back for a 2nd interview. I think i got really lucky because the day i was out with J, i received an e-mail request for a 2nd interview. This drove me into work mode and i began prepping my portfolio for the interview and even had to cancel my shopping date with C (i'm sorry again dear) because it took so much time to prepare and print.
  
  My interview was yesterday and i hate to type it but i really don't think i got the job. I don't think the interviewer girl liked me, she did not seem impressed and last but not least, i did NOT do a good job of "marketing"/selling myself. I later learned in the elevator (as i was leaving) from someone who worked there that the interviewer is some big shot Marketer chick that won a prestigious award for being Marketer of the year or something similar to that (from the Canadian Marketing Association). You guys should have seen my face. It was seriously a big FML moment. If i knew that marketing myself would have been THAT crucial (yes i know that is important too but not your-chance-at-being-hired-ois-on-the-line important when your interviewer is apparently CANADIAN MARKETER OF THE YEAR), i would have worked on my "TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF" speech instead of the "WHY DO YOU WANT TO WORK FOR US" speech. ARGHH. FML.
  
  I've wanted to work for this company since 3rd year (they offered a design competition and winner gets obviously the glory of winning but also an internship) and when i didn't "win" an internship with them, i was seriously crushed for weeks. I remember the boys taking me out for buffet lunches to cheer me up and it stung a lot when i saw whom i lost to (i hate that asshole) and the "design" i lost to. It sucked even more when the interviewer actually remembered the winner and brought his name up during the interview. SIGHS. It was like reopening a wound....IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERVIEW. I don't know whether l'll be able to handle another rejection from them. I think it might actually drive me into a emo frenzy crazy mode.
  
  None the less tho, do pray for me. The position and the projects that the hired designer gets to work on sounds unbelievably amazing.
  
  
• My BB Crisis
  For the past couple of days i experienced one of the most devastating thing EVER- which was the ALMOST LOSS of my Blackberry. God it was soooo dreadful using a flip phone (who uses that anymore?!??!?). Basically my keyboard went crazy wonky and eventually just didn't even respond anymore. What happened was i knocked over a cup of ice water and it spilled on the BB. On TOP of that. I do have a habit of bringing it in the showers to talk to Twin (hey she does it TOOO) so there was already moisture damage.....the cup of water just pushed it over the edge that's all. Anyways so here i am trying to repair it and freaking out on Jleung. I was told by him (and a number of others too) to put it into a bucket of rice for 3-5 days and it should be okay? Since when was this a remedy?!?! I am SO out of the loop. I was pretty skeptical but i had nothing to lose since it felt like i lost a part of my life already. Still, i was left with nothing but a freaking flipphone- no net, no email, no pinning, no QWERTY keyboard. Sobs. Thnx the lord, A was able to grab me a Pearl from work. I survived on a downgraded Pearl for THREE days. It was torture. Absolute torture.
  
  But this story has a happy ending because i took it outta the rice box yesterday and IT ACTUALLY WORKS.
  
  PRAISE THE LORD FOR INVENTING THIS THING CALL RICE.
  
  holyshiet who knew that it was going to work!?!?? wow. This method totally saved me a couple of hundred (that i can spend ELSEWHERE giggle giggle) from buying a replacement phone (A White BB Bold to be specific.....that i am still going to get eventually......).
  
  I swear i am going to treat it with care and more love then before.
  

Random jots of thoughts:

• Borrowed two seasons of the Office. Will start that soon!
• The cousin and bf is in Vancouver. I hope they're having a blast. I'm very envious.
• This appears to be the Year of the Breakups. Add on three more recent ones. This year is cursed. I am telling all you people who are still in relationships. It might be you guys next...........not to be cynical or anything. 
• Oh yes, i FINALLY booked my G2 road test. Let's hope i pass it and not be the last 23 year old in Toronto that doesn't have their g2!!!!!
• TIFF is about to start in a couple of weeks. 
• Celebrities to stalk for: RYAN GOSLING, Josh Hartnett, James Franco, Ryan Reynolds, Penn Badgley, Jackson Rathbone. Only chick i care enough to stalk: Blake Lively. haahaaa. 
• I need to load more pictures on facebook.
• THISSSS close to buying a Real Madrid No.8 (Kaka) Soccer Jersey.....GAHHH. Temptation.
• Soccer Jerseys are SO uber comfortable to wear after a nice long workout. The material glides on your skin.....in a very erotic and comfortable way.
• My mom just said i'm fat again. The funniest thing was that she thought i was skinner when i was still dating the prior-mister. Like i said, i thought that was the FUNNIEST thing in the world.....because i feel like i'm at my skinniest/fittest right now. Of course this was before i downed half that bag of Doritos. Face Palm. 
• I sense that my ipod's expiration day is coming. It is fighting for its life every single day i use it.
• LEARN HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN PORE STRIPS HERE. 
• Michelle Phan is such a goddess. It actually works. I would know. I tried it earlier today.
• I'm actually REALLY sick of hamburgers (hence the entry title). I've been eating at least ONE every week since summer started. During camping it was literally what i had 3 days in a row. At home my parents LOVES grilling burgers because they want to make good use of our BBQ and i go out and i eat hugeeee cowburgers with people. I think if i eat another burger l'll freaking punch myself in the face. 
• I have a list of shit i'm planning on buying in Buffalo. It includes things like RAINBOOTS, UGGS (both of which i was NOT allowed to buy when i was taken) and GYM CLOTHES. 
• I also need a camera. My dad always lectures me whenever i borrow his.
• READ: China Traffic Jam can last weeks. LINK
• To Do: Continue to apply for jobs, continue to work out, continue to drive, buy tickets for TIFF, plan K's Birthday with J, continue w/ side jobs, eat less, drink for the buzz, not the hangover.

OKAY. I AM DONE. THAT TOOK ONLY 2.5 HOURS!!!

NOW.

To do work.