My Gift to you all- Merry Christmas

Oh its been a while boys and girls. A while since ive actually really sat down and really wanted to "blog". There has been so many blog-worthy topics and moments over the past weeks but my laziness has gotten the better of me and since this Wednesday, the cold-bug has gotten the best of me. I still feel like poo but thank god for this thing called Tylenol Sinus and Cold, i am able to function.

Today is Christmas Eve as we all know. I officially started typing this around 10pm. I hope by midnight i would have this completed with something juicy and entertaining for you to read as a Christmas gift from me to you. Please do forgive me for the terrible grammer and lack of cohesion because i am still pretty drugged & stuffed up.

Lets back-track shall we?

I promised people a MIAMI post. HAHA oh dear i am so sorry. But i find it kind of pointless to blog the details of the trip when those i actually care about and DO talk to- already know the details of it and i dont want to be redundant. That said though l'm still going to talk about it briefly in an overview sense rather than- what we did on what day and what we ate on what time.

As everyone know, i went to South Beach Miami with one of my best girls C, as a mini getaway for an extended long weekend. We stayed at a beautiful hotel that was literally minutes away from the ocean and another few minutes away from this popular shopping/entertainment/restaurant strip call Lincoln Shopping Strip. Both of us has gone through what we felt like life has done us wrong again (relationship and career-wise). For many evenings prior to our trip it was literally like deja vu where she would be smoking outside on my driveway and we both would just pour our hearts out to each other - just like almost 6 years ago. Where life again played us as fools. Anyways being doomed together, we thought "Hey why not take our doom-ness to somewhere HAWT". Hence the idea was form and we were on a plane to Florida! It was ironic (but not shocking) that we felt many of the same emotions as we left Toronto together on a plane and many scenic things reminded us of certain things. Our trip consisted of us exploring, eating, drinking, shopping, tanning, partying, counting how many pairs of homosexual men that we saw in the remaining duration of our trip.

FYI Kids- South Beach is not a place to get laid. Unless your a guy.

Seriously! Nothing against gays but there was WAY too many that it was a BIT overwhelming. Perhaps it was an underground festival that we did not know about? WHO KNOWS. Maybe boys should tell me that would you ever go shopping/strolling with your bff down a popular tourist strip? I really want to know. Over 80 "suspected" homosexual couples counted within one meal is A LOT if you ask me. 

Another observation- the men that parties there are GENTLEMEN.

They are far from the usual douchey, pushy, obnoxious BOYS in Toronto. I was fairly impressed by the two groups of men that asked us to join their party at this club call Mansion (highly recommended if you are into Hiphop, top40 and oldschool socca....at the end of the night. obvs.) and their mannerism. Sure they aren't lookers and were a bit older than we were but their politeness was what won me over! Thank you Montreal Guy from Room 1 and Black Guy from Room 2! lol

The trip was far, far too short. The weather was amazing. Being able to dine outside in a maxi dress in the middle of December is really something. One thing i did during the trip though was really thought things over. I can go on hating life and fate but i can also take it as a lesson or just another punch thrown at me and stand right back up. I completely admit when we were flying back i felt incrediably sad. I looked out and it was gloomy like that very day, around the same time too and i recalled how happy i was because after a great vacation i was coming home to something. Not this time- i was coming home to nothing ("metaphorically", not "literally") and it was a sharp stab. That said i completely snapped out of it because there's absolutely nothing to be sad about (except from maybe my Job and Weight issue haha). I understand now.

 ive come to understand that there is no suffering if you do neither.
why would anyone want to forget the good times and let time dance by you as you do that? That to me is suppressing, not accepting. It's one choice to choose to suffer. It's also one's choice to put an end to it.

For those interested: I don't feel remotely awkwardness blogging about how i feel even though I know that he comes by here sometimes to read up on what random stuff i have to share. I consider this a growing process and what Junior calls- a mature confession. I'm not asking for ANYONE to hold my hand or AW at me when i talk about this. Blogging has always been my outlet and i do feel much better each time i type it all out. I also think this is why after so many years, people still come by and read my blog. Its because i'm real and i blog about what's real. I don't hide what i feel, if i slip - i admit that i slip. if im on the floor sobbing, i will admit it too. I can go on forever on this topic but l'll leave it here because theres soooooo much more i want to blog about lol

I DIGRESS.

During the trip I confessed many things to her and i feel like we understand each other a lot more. One thing is for sure though- i now stand by even more and have faith that one day things will work out for you C. You are strong, a fighter and again this is just one of those blowouts that will turn into an eventual win for you. A win that will be for life. Greater things have yet to come for you. Love you lots!

Totally random kids, but for my girl readers.
You guys know that i'm not big on purses and bags right? I'm all about vintage purses and hobo bags. But after seeing these two pictures.

Wow. Pure class. 

I totally want a chanel bag now. Especially the BLUE one. Holymoly. I wonder if its real? Can anyone confirm for me? Anyhoo that's just a thought.

Let's see what else is up. Oh yes- the other day i went engagement ring shopping with someone (for the nature and secrecy of the proposal....i cannot disclose how close i am to this person because it would be busted if the girlfriend EVER comes by my blog) and it was SO educational. Who knew diamonds can be SO complex? Okay bad question, it is complex. Its not like buying romaine lettuce (okay maybe it is. LOL INSIDE JK ONLY jay siu & K understands).....where u can just CHOOSE something. So here i was walking around claiming to be his xxxxxx (again, cannot reveal the nature. might compromise the secrecy) and im asked to try on the rings for him. Man, i hate engagement rings. For someone like me that is so into weddings i absolutely HATE them. I feel like they are unnecessary and as ive expressed my opinion many times before, i think my future husband should just effing skip the engagement ring and buy me a really beautiful diamond crested thick thick wedding band. Then spend the duration of the money on photography. hahaha just saying. We made our rounds around Yorkdale and it was SO brutal and draining. All that sparkle totally blinded me. I was glad to finally had my delicious Caesar, YARD of beer (fuckery i think i have a small liking for beer now) and Poutineeeeee at Honest Lawyers with xxxxx (no need to explain right?) joining us shortly. Overall it was a great day - im whole-heartedly honoured to be the one you chose to ask to go ring shopping. I really can't wait for the wedding. I think it would be very heart-wrenching.

But wow. It is almost midnight, this entry really did almost take two hours to write. Back to present day being Christmas Eve. I really thought today was going to be depressing. This year (aside from being brutally sick for the past couple of days!!!! omgosh) i opted out to go to ANY family outtings. To those that talk to me on a regular basis would know why so i don't want to repeat. That said things were done traditionally....for a very long time. Suddenly i have no idea what to do since the tradition is no longer in place. That said i am forever grateful for my day today. I was actually.....not sad. lol I've actually been...pretty happy lately. Thank you.

So here I am now, all snugged up in my germ-infested bed, my Forever Nuts (nom nom nom) tea with a gigantic dash of honey and a pill im ready to take to knock myself out - but not before i make my rounds of Merry Christmas via text/bbm/fb.

One thing i must say though before i end this- holy shit i AM giving a fuck. Taking it one day at a time.

No such thing as getting burned again yo. Not for me....

WoooOOO dont you guys love open-ended, metaphorical ramblings from me?!??

Tis officially 12:00am people.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!!!

Stay beautiful. Thanks for staying with me. Hope you all enjoyed the glamorous, belated post! Expected a similiarly long/longer post to close the New Years (ive even started writing a bit of it!).

Be excited!!!!

My drugs are next to me. After seeing C its K/O for me!

outs.

My Childhood

Something that’s worth too much, coming to an end.

.................well technically July 15th 2011 for part 2 of the last movie. But who cares for details. 

 Watching HP 7 with Twin tomorrow after work! This is going to be EPICCCC. Oh je suis tres tres excited.

30 Topic Meme: Topic 10

The fun one lol
Read the intro to this: here
___________________________________________________________________

Topic 10-  Discuss your first love and first kiss.

I spill almost every dirty secret i have on this blog anyways, this is no biggy and should be the MOST interesting one out of the 30 topics i'm going to be ranting about. Let's begin.

So. First love and first kiss. Some people's first love is a different person from the person they first kissed. For the big dork that i am (and bigger dork back then) i would guessss my first "love" was also my first kiss. I can actually say 6453 was my first love even though it was SO completely one sided and he was such an obsession. Whoa big surprise right? No. Not really. My first love burned to ashes the moment he said he did not feel the same. There's that saying- 初戀你會記得一世 [ You will remember your first love forever ]. I agree with that completely. I feel like because they were the first person that you felt you would and could do anything for, its carved and benchmarks are set for what "being in love" feels like in your heart. I was dead scared that i would never be able to find somebody like him and a small part of me felt like the reason why some of the guys i "liked" never worked out because they did not possess that "part" of him that i wanted. Obviously i was horribly wrong and went on and met someone else that was the opposite of what i thought i wanted and was clearly so much happier. I craved that first love feeling when i was in the midst of my boyfriend searching (that didn't work mind' you. "Searching" will never end happily. Its when it unexpectedly shows up in front of you, that's the real deal) but at the same time i knew i was never going to get that feeling again. It wasn't because i didn't love this new person as much as i did with 6453 but because first loves tend to be what i believe is childhood fairytale love. Simple and naive. When you enter the next relationship and fall in love, you tend to be more careful, more cautious to preserve what may be a fairytale love- in the adult world. If i learned anything from falling in love with M, was that with time- wounds can heal, people can change and reasons will eventually be revealed. Because of that i have no regrets. Those faded emotions is affirmation that this time around things will be okay and i will survive. If i did not have that first love, i don't think i will believe that things do happen for the a better reason.

I genuinely believe you will encounter three people in your life.

- The person that you loved the most but can never be with
- The person that loved you the most but can never be with
- The person you love and loves you will be together forever.

At this very point, i have no idea who fits into what. I am thinking M might be the first one, but i'm really not sure. That is beyond the point though. Whether they are currently not or isss...... in my life, i do hope person #3 will reveal themselves soon or at least, eventually. Sad face.

OH. And as for first kiss. Haha (the dirty stuff!!)
It was with 6453 in Miliken park. It was excellent. It felt like i scored the winning cup at the world cup (i can't think of a better analogy haha) Especially because he was white!! It was like a triple score done blindfolded!!!! I remember going home and msged twin right away lolllll I hope i wasn't too shitty or sloppy yo thinking about it hahah. It shouldn't have been since there was a 2nd and 3rd and 4th one after that? haha

Sighs. lol Gotta love my teenage years.

commerce court

i always get nostalgic when im down there alone. the change is unbelievable.

Back to downtown i go tomorrow. Third time this weekkkkkkk.

Reminiscing the Past

This post has a lot of reference to a lot of past relationships so for those who has followed me/known me for a long time will DEFINITELY get a kick out of reading this. 

A couple posts back, i shared a quote- They say everything happens for a reason, but what they don't tell you is that you may never know what that reason is.

I kind of take that back because i actually do believe that things do happen for a reason, it would be revealed in the future through actions. Things happen for the better.

The other day i went out and chilled with S, something i haven't done in a very, very long time. Most people don't understand how I can stay friends with an ex. It was a bit more complicated with him (because of his unfaithfulness that was the downfall of our relationship) which raises many eyebrows to why we are still able to remain great friends. No idea but we are. I can honestly say he is still one of the few people that knows me best even though we do not talk all that much. Things are not awkward nor are they weird. I talk about my relationship issues openly, he not so much (haha) but that's understandable.I find him to be a better friend than a boyfriend/partner. So that day we ended up going clothes shopping because he asked for a little help in that area. He doesn't know this but i have always wanted to go clothes shopping with him since/while we were dating but we never got a chance to until the other day. It was quite fun (for i do love shopping very much) because he didn't really have a budget so I was able to kind of play dress-up with him. I hope his girlfriend likes the shit i picked out haha. Awkward......

ANYHOOOOO

Its weird how things work out because the things i have ALWAYS wanted to do with someone while we were "together" as a couple always happens AFTER when we are only friends. I think its pretty ironic that it works out that way. When it does happen i only smile and think "Hey, life isnt all that bad after all. THIS eventually did happen. Better late than never." At least i could make peace with that inner "what if" question. The reasons are ALWAYS revealed in one form or another.

I mean its not just this one incident but a few times before too.

A good example of another time was when i was able to spend Vday with 6453 AFTER i made peace with "us" not being able to be together. It was seriously like a dream come true but the feelings i had were very different. It was very bittersweet but peaceful at the same time. I dont talk to 6453 anymore but during the period that i did, i also did find him to be a better "friend" (that i can never have haha) than what we had when we were checking. He was bad for me. An addicting drug is how I like to describe it now. People knew that, saw it. He definitely is better to be left in the past.

When those things happen, it makes me rethink the occurrence of certain events and as hard as they were, im glad that it happened for the better future.If all those did not happen, i would never have become the person i am today. I would probably be less bitter. haha but definitely not the person l'll be right now.

I guess the purpose of me blogging about this, is a validation to myself that when things happen for a reason, though it may be painful, tough and confusing- that reason WILL eventually be clear.

I don't expect people to understand.

MOVING ON.


BIG DAY TMR. ITS DO OR DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please. PLEASE. prayyyyy and send your messages/txts/pins/emails of love/prayers/gLucks lollllll

Good Night Sleep

Tom and Summer makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

May i fall asleep in peace and dream a dreamless dream tonight. Tis' a brand new day tomorrow.

Inception & More

ENTRY NOT COMPLETE. COME BACK FOR ADD-ONs to the ending of this entry.... tomorrow. I just want to let the Monday morning readers to have something to read at work tomorrow morning haha. See how considerate i am.

-----------

Here goes my super machine-gun-typing blogging tendencies. This is going to be long.

You've been warned.

I went into the movie Inception completely misled by A regarding what the movie was about. I knew that the movie was about Leo having the ability to go into other people's dreams to steal information. The part i was misled though was that i was told that he was going to go into a psychopath's dream thus the drama and scary stuff is suppose to happen. As i was explaining to the boys after the movie, i was waiting for clowns with knives to jump out any second to attack Leo but that certainly did NOT happen. Argh. lol I also did not watch ANY trailers of this movie so i walked into the theater with no knowledge of what to expect aside from the little preview synopsis i read.

The movie was pretty amazing. As i said in one of my last entries, I could relate to it in its entirety. Behind all the crazy, exciting suspenseful scenes with the sexy Leonardo DiCaprio and super hot Joseph-Gordon Levitt (who i am now terribly in love with now), the movie is about exploring your subconscious. It is about understanding the undeniable power we have to manage our subconscious. This is one part i can relate to. For as long as I can remember, i have always felt a connection with my dreams and also my interest in dreams is no surprise to anyone that comes by this blog and to those who has known me since Junior High (remember my Speech Arts topic on Decoding Dreams??? That ALMOST won me an award??haha) would remember me being really into the whole Astrology/Dreams thing. I also remember my mom telling me that when I was younger i would describe my dreams to her in perfect detail and she would be a little freaked out especially when I was sick (I was sick very often as a kid) because my dreams became a tad bit strange whenever I was burning up or something. I guess because I've been so in-tuned with my dreams that over the years I have successfully managed to train my mind to do a lot of things when "unconscious" i guess. This is part of the "power" that I am referring to up there ^. I now am successfully able to:

• Remember all of my reoccurring dreams and its details
• Details of dreams in general
• Change the endings to my dreams
  i would be able to wake up momentarily (i find myself to be inbetween the state of conscious and unconsciousness) and fall back asleep again to the same dream but change the ending depending on how i want it to end.
• Continue where i end off in a dream if i was to be awaken suddenly
• Fall asleep in my dream

It's quite weird but its definitely something i take pride in. I believe very deeply in decoding symbols and imagery in dreams because it is your subconscious's way of sending a message to the conscious mind which is why I do massive research/decoding on my dreams after I wake up. Even in the movie they said when we are conscious, only a fraction of our brain is working but when we are asleep our brain is pretty much on steroids and can process every minor detail that we overlook in our over complicating, busy lives.

A line from the movie stood out to me very much:

Never recreate from your memory. You won't be able to differentiate a dream from a memory...

Again, a personal relation to the line. A lot of my dreams are based on memories and the waking life. I find these to be the worst dreams to have, when its like you are watching a movie of your life- whether it be happy or sad, they hurt the most. Especially when you know it will always be a dream. My personal experience, i have been tortured by the same theme of dreams for a long time (ahhh 6-7 years? I still have them now). In the earlier years, those dreams caused insomnia and a lot of stress on myself. I would wake up with my pillowcase being soaked from crying in my sleep and would feel like I havn't slept because i would feel heavy from the sleep. I would then continue on to cursing my life and bitch about why God must take my only salvation (which was to sleep and forget about my pain but instead cause more pain by allowing me to dream certain things) away from me. I think it was when i finally confronted the situation 4 years ago, that now when i do have those type of dreams i am able to embrace that fantasy once more- which again will always just be a dream like so many other things now.

Yeah i know i am doing my vague-confusing-i-don't-know-what-you-are-referencing-to-rant again.

Another line from the movie:

I miss you more than I can bear, but we had our time together, and it was great. But now I must let you go.

I totally sobbed during that part when Leo said that (I hope the boys didn't notice). The movie was about 90% done and all the personal relations was really overwhelming lol The movie too, was about Leo confronting his past and his fears. There was also the reoccurring question- Can we live in a dream forever? If you can live in a dream forever, would you? It goes back to one's interpretation of what a perfect dream is.The movie ended in a way where its rather open-ended. I think the interpretation of  a person's "perfect dream" would differentiate their view of what the ending of movie really is.

OKAY. So in the midst of all that, IN CONCLUSION/BOTTOM LINE: Inception is one of the best movies i have ever watched. Do not be turned off by the reviews saying how confusing it is. Just go and watch, it will fall together into place at the end....sorta.

ANDDD i just HAD to throw that in because he is SO EFFNG HOT. I would like to sit on his lap.Fan please.

I hope you guys enjoyed that. Because there's more random thoughts coming up.

First off. My previous entry was very, very emo. That is not to say that I am emo though. Just, a little upset, hurt and that much more bitter and disappointed lol That said though; 我讀人的blog, 發覺自己其實很強. I guess i am actually in fact quite...strong(er) comparatively when it comes to handling my emotions now. I could be a lot worst but im not. I think people should give me a little bit more credit. Its a struggle every single effing day but i am soldiering it the best i can by doing two things. (1) 我逼自己不好想起你/我們的回憶. If that fails (2)我同自己說殘yun的真相 which is- 他以經忘了你, 他生活dut好好, 和大可能有第二個 x repeat. Breathe. Steady. And then l'll be good and go on with my day. It hurts a bit less each time after i tell myself that. I've been pretty awesome, if i would say so myself.

Okay next! I had my first Summerlicious with the GCM girls this weekend.

The food was terrible but as always, i love catching up with them. I would continue to blog. [ Actually i will be back tomorrow to add onto this ] but my head has started to hurt and its 2am.


I WILL BE BACK. I apologize for the bad bad grammer.

zzzzzzzz

im so exhausted from my day but im in such a blogging mode.

...........alright i tried.

ok i guess l'll postpone it until the morning when i get up to watch the Round 16 games.

In short- it was a nostalgic kind of day for me.

Nights!

Zero

i had one of those dreams. Where everything in the dream...was normal again. I mean there were no changes, nothing out of the ordinary, it was all the same like nothing happened.

It was a complete nightmare.

Because i know that it won't happen again....i felt that "complete" feeling again...and that for me, hurts a lot.

I woke up feeling like i was back at zero.

I don't need dreammoods.com to decode any of this. Its just that part of me that i've so successfully suppressed- missing the past.

Argh. This is what lots of alcohol on a weeknight does to you.

Opinion

I really need opinions/feedback. It's kind of important

Background: Illustrated in Illustrator (duh). More details (in the illustration) to come. More tweaking and work needs to be put into it but its preliminary. SUPPOSE to look like drawn freehand. I would like some feedback before i continue on. Suppose to be a cartoon/playful/spin characture of me. I realized that the cartoon is very fat and twin says im far from it but i think shes cute................and like i said its suppose to be "cartooon"-y.
Verdict: SOOOOOOOOO. What do you guys think. Cute or Gay?

Twitter/FB/Comment (You don't need a Blogspot account, Anonymous is allowed)/MSN/E-mail

Thanks. 


# # #

Spent the day with C doing our usual random wanderings across Scarborough and Markham. I have not seen her in...i actually believe it might be a year. But it felt just like yesterday when she use to drive up to my place and smoke on the curb and rant about how shitty life is lol. Today was the first day when i talked about it that i didn't cry. Maybe it was her reassurance or maybe because i'm so horribly numb from crying that i just don't have the strength to anymore. Regardless it was a good day spent. We were at SB @ First Markham and i didn't fidget/have a mental breakdown like i did last time. *Pat on back* I also discovered how delicious Milestone's brunch is and it makes me want to eat Egg Benedicts all day. See you again maybe this week dear? (Before your flight).

Whenever we come out we always talk about the lives of others that we know and how long we've come along since we first met. She brought up that we're at that age where we just don't have the mental capacity to chase down people whom we thought were "our friends" but lost contact. This IS the time when you should know whom you can count on...whom you can turn to in desperate times. It makes me very thankful for that handful that are in my life. I'm very lucky in that sense. I owe it to them for surviving for this long. Also we talked about some other people whom i guess, crossed our paths the wrong way and we've lived with this constant bitterness for many years. There's one person whom i feel like we got off on the wrong foot and we COULD have potentially been good friends. I lived with this bitterness for five years. Hopefully there is some near-future chance that I can make amends with this person.

I guess this is all part of this thing call growing up.

add-on: scarves addiction

I was stalking through my own pics from year 1&2 @ GCM and saw myself wearing a really nice scarf and then asked myself "heyyyyyy where did THAT go".Sadly i already knew the answer to that and became a lil bitter. Argh those pictures reminded me of how many scarves i have lost over the years by either leaving it at GCM (i even know who took one of them!!! ahhh) or on the TTC.


damn if i've just been a LITTLE more careful i wouldn't need to buy all these new ones!



or not.


They don't call it an addiction for nothing. gah.


I wrote this up a couple months ago but since its autumn now, it seems completely necessary to bring it up again. Reblogging so i know what to get and not freaking buy the same thing lol Scarves i will eventually get:

• A Hot Pink-colored scarf
• A red-colored scarf
  
• A green-colored scarf
• a floral patterned scarf
• a pastel yellow-color scarf
  
• a pretty patterned scarf of some sort
• a striped scarf
• a nice looking, jumble, suffocate-myself-in wool scarf in general
  
• another square scarf of any sort would be nice (lets make it four!)
• a white scarf
  
• a plain black square scarf
  
• Perhaps a nice grey-colored wool scarf

I am in desperate need of a new scarf box because my current one is totally overflowing.
Maybe i really should have gotten it yesterday at Ikea.

old-school love

Last night on facebook, the first Wex (my highschool)-sweethearts from my grade changed their status to ENGAGED. As expected as it was and we all saw it coming but rather it was a matter of time of when it will happen- i am at complete loss of words when it comes to describing how unbelievably happy i am for them. Even though i've had no direct contact (well maybe except for the groom-to-be, i had an occasion few PSY classes with him over the 4 yrs at Ryerson) since high school, it's still great to see them tie the knot (finally). They're both really kind people and definitely deserve each other.

In a way i think i'm way TOO happy for them? Given the fact i don't exactly hang with them haha I guess this news for me is also validation that fairytale endings do exist. For the past couple of years i've been pretty skeptical of this (especially when it comes to highschool sweethearts). With all the break-ups i've heard, witnessed and been part of- it makes it all the harder when everyone around you (including yourself) isn't living that fairytale dream that you believe in. Thus with them tying the knot, they're living proof to me that old-school love can survive (!!) in this modern day era where greed, money, technology and ambitions can destroy all that.

Whichhhhhh would explain why i am SO SO happy because they're going AGAINST the grain!! (ha ha GCM nerd joke) A big congrats to them! I'm excited to see her load their wedding pictures.


Up next, G&N, ET&Jules, and enoughabout-you&A on the alter list lol. I'm waiting for those facebook status changes.


Side-note,
Face is slowly recovering, neck is still gross but on the path to recovery. What i'm actually quite fearful of right now is the swelling around the eye area. B/c the eye area is extra sensitive, i fear that the wrinkles that are visibly present are going to stay there permanently. Shit i was telling the mister last night i look like i'm forty and that scares the fcuk out of me. I've been going out (only for work and either walmart or price chopper) without makeup on for the past week (FYI: There hasn't been a day where I have left the house without eyeliner on since 2004) all while praying i don't bump into anyone i know, or anyone lx knows (i don't want to embarrass him). I don't understand how something can appear so quick but can take SO long to go away.
Unbelievable.


Oh and i bought New Moon tickets for myself and twin.
Even though we are a month and two weeks early. giggle giggle.

Blogging Mode is back and strong.

I think Glasses are SO sexy on a girl. Why doesn’t guys think so?

Anyways, I havn’t really word vomited in a while and suddenly the lack of motivation to do work (at work) is making me want to write up something instead. I guess l’ll be jumping back and forth on several topics because there are like 10 gazillion things I want to get out but its all very jumbled up in a big web in my head so this is literally going to be a word...vomit. Topics flying everywhere. Good luck understanding me.

First up, September. Back-to-School whattttttt!?!?! Holy crap it didn’t hit me until I saw kids on the bus with their TNA bags but binders sticking outta them. Then I saw a couple of girls with Starbucks travelers mugs and super hot back-to-school outfits on (I think I might have creeped them out a bit with my staring). Sighs. No back-to-school shopping for me! In fact, I’ve been repeating outfits for the past couple of weeks because there are boxes and bags cluttering my closet area (I haven't finished detox-ing my room yet) and I havnt been able to (well more like I’ve been to lazy to) get around the clutter to choose what I want to wear. Instead I grab and wear all the clean laundry that my mom left on the side for me to put away in the closet that i’m unable to reach and the cycle repeats.....haha my scarf box looks like it exploded, jackets and blazers laying across my ironing board, undergarments and (dirty gym) socks left on the ground. Its a hazardous site I swear.

Anyways I detoured away from what I was saying and the whole point is, I miss school SO much. I miss going to school with my laptop and seeing the kids in our middle row. I miss taking our annual photobooth pictures. I miss feeling superior (hahaha to the rest) because I was part of a LARGE “family”. I miss blogging in the middle of our lectures, I feel like im funniest during those times. I’m also STARBUCKS deprived because I am no where near one now that I’m outta school. Sighs. I miss school.

I hope we all can get together soon for jennut and tall jenns bday. Its starting to get a little sad (and annoying) with how the only way i do get to see them are in my dreams...........as freaky as that may sound.

Speaking of which; the fantastic four (3/4) has all expressed a need (by msging me) to get together to catch up because we havnt talked to each other at all due to one leaves it to me to organize this, ones computer-deprived and two are working. Hopefully that will happen near the end of the month when we have our monthly cinema experience, intense intellectual conversations over Starbucks and Burger-Joint Dinners. sighs. i miss the boys.

I also miss shopping. Ha ha ha ha but that’s another topic for another day. Blogging about it now might actually provoke me to go spend an abundant amount after work today. (I’m thinking of getting myself a Lululemon duffel bag, the one I want is 98dollars....and some work-out wear..... Haha aiii)

About the gym- I’ve been going to Goodlife for a good three months now. I’ve been pretty good, going to my classes but not so good with my “diet” which actually caused me to gain weight. Very bad in fact since the whole purpose of starting to work out was to lose weight. Bright side of this is I feel a lot better (healthier), I enjoy my time there, I think im a lot stronger than when I was before I started but I am still weaker than a pregnant woman. Anyways, going to put my game on and go for 6-8 hours of the gym each week instead of my normal....3.5? Yeah that’s really little....seems much more little now that I see it typed out. Argh.

Next, I need a new book. At work I’m reading New Moon (slowly!!!) during my lunch but at home (before going to sleep) I’m currently book-less. Finished the Lovely Bones last night, don’t know if I like it so much. There’s a lot of sex-ing going on again (2 books in a row with lots of sex-ing!!) and I don’t like anything that has to do with death and families breaking apart lol. Time to hit up BMV with my booklist.

I would continue to word vomit mindlessly but my severe boyfriend withdraw is really distracting me (dammnit charge your phone LX!!!) so going to stop here.

Good Day to you All.

karma

holy crap
as i did my usual stalkings tonight i came across and realized/noticed something.

What goes around, Comes around

I mean, it is kind of obvious and so cliche but holyshit @#$% seriously. Better watch/edit what you say because karma will come back and bite you in the ass.
In my case, it came back and bit mine. If you're interested, ask me about it.

gah. FAK.

The Time Travelers Wife

I finished reading The Time Travelers Wife last night and to my dismay, I did not cry as much as I intended/wanted to (it didn’t stop me from calling lx sobbing though haha). I remembered I cried like a baby when I first read A Walk to Remember and I expected pretty much the same thing with this novel. I was a little bit disappointed but nonetheless I enjoyed the love story, and the concepts and themes that are applicable to the novel (that sounded lame).

Just a general synopsis (even though everyone knows what its about) , the story is about a man (Eric Bana in the movie) who has a genetic disorder that causes him to "time travel" against his own will. What that means is he can't really "control" when he disappears/reappears and where to (past or future). Its even more strange because when he time travels he leaves behind anything that is not a part of his body, meaning he'll show up naked 101% of the time. It's a little "weird" but it worked out for the story lol Anyways he meets his wife (Rachel McAdams) for the FIRST time when she's 6 and he's 43 (i believe), but fast-tracking to the present, he doesn't officially meet her until he's 28 and shes 20. If that makes ANY sense at all, it would mean for the first 28 years of his life, he does not know she existed until she meets him but vice versa, she has actually known of his existance since the age of 6........get it? No i didn't think so. lol ANYWAYS, the story jumps back and forth from the female protanganist to the male, from year to year, age to age and in the end, everything simply connected.

As flawed as the story sounds, and as much discussion there is to the concept that was invented in the story- bottomline was that it was good lol. Even though there was honestly way too much “love making” scenes, I loved how real the author tried to make the characters be.
What I mean was, [SPOILER WARNING] the author did not at all try to sugar-coat the birth scene. Normally on TV, movies and novels they tend to skimp out on the details of what goes on when a woman goes into labor. What I particularly loved about this portion of the story was there was no discretion or sugar-coating. You see the female protagonist totally losing it, she’s swearing her ass off, the husband is all tense and nervous, there was sweat, and there was pain that you could feel jump out at you (before and after the birth).

For someone like me who wants a family (and as everyone in high-school said, l’ll have a whole farm of kids haha), I am not at all reminded of how much PAIN I must endure in order to have one because everything is just so-easy on tv. Especially for someone like me who is particularly sensitive to pain, my best friend wonders how im going to do it haha

That said, I’m glad to read a love story that does not skimp out on (or completely eliminate) the pain and heartaches that must be endured in order to give meaning to love and intensify a relationship. (Also because it was oh-so romantic and who doesn’t love romance? kekekkkeekke)

I think I WILL be watching the movie version (despite reviews, ratings, jennuts advisory lol), hopefully with my bff. I don’t know if I can cry in front of her though. I remember we both were watching something super sad in highschool and I wasn’t able to cry for some reason ahhaha oh, and also her and twin has a thing where they enjoy making fun of me when I cry to really stupid things (i.e. Remember when #9 was hung/executed and died?!?! In some old TVB drama- yeah, that one didn’t die for YEARS) lollllll Also I love Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana is seductive in his own manly-special way.

Yay. Now onto The Host!

A Writer's Craft

I really should be heading to sleep but i have like a gazillion things i want to blog about. It's also hot like a sauna in my room and its discouraging me from sleep. I really need to get that fan that ET has (or use to have, no clue if its still there lol) in his room, i remember it being super cold and nifty because it had a remote....haha

Anyways, so ever since ive gotten my new bed i haven't been really doing anything aside from sleeping in it with my laptop. It's actually very terrible and so lazy of me because im neglecting all the other trillion things i have to do but instead i've been watching Young and Dangerous on Youtube.

I'm also in total facebook uploading-picture mode but i think i am going to hold off for a bit more.

Earlier this evening while (still!!!) cleaning my room, i came across my familiar cardboard box filled with highschool things. Mainly, it was homework, assignments and projects which i kept after all these years because i thought they would somehow come in handy one day (i finally threw them out tonight). I came across one thing that i am definitely going to keep, and its my Writers Craft binder. Writers Craft in HS was a course that allowed students to explore different styles of writing, and this ranged from writing screenplays, children's literature, to poems and journalism. I was particularly fond of this class because of the English teacher that taught the course. She was one of those teachers that you know she really cares about her students and really loves English. It was also great, how she would casually intertwine how much she loves drinking beer and Mel Gibson in the middle of her lessons.

Anyways, one of the things we had to do at the beginning of every class was to write in our journal. We had to choose a topic from this long list of different ideas of what to write about. The catch here was for us to write non-stop for like, five-ten minutes or something and we cannot stop, our pens/pencils have to keep on moving as we basically word vomit on paper. I looked through every entry that i wrote for that class and i completely forgot i wrote any of the stuff i was reading. A couple of lines i wanted to point out that stood out to me as i went through my notebook of scribbles.

In our first entry, we were told to write "a letter to yourself in January"(it was September), then we had to staple it and cannot look at it until January. Some stuff i wrote:

"I want the January-you, to be happy. I hope by January, you and 6453 are together. If not, i know it will be painful but i know you will survive. You have friends that will help you through it. i repeat, you will be okay"

"Remember your pact with C. He wants you to have inspiration back in your life"

- Holy crap, thats some crazy, intense emo stuff i wrote to myself there.

In another entry, i had to write about the people i love most in my life and i wrote,

"My brother, is someone whom i cannot live without for one second in my waking life"

- That hit me really hard, because as much as i fight with him, screamed at him, and in some ways we have grown apart in the past couple of years- i haven't once slowed down to tell and remind myself, how important my brother is to me. This shows how FAST my life has been moving for the past five years. Its absolutely unbelievable. There was a lot more stuff that stood out but too lazy to retype.

In general, after finish going through the entire notebook, it makes me really want to get back into reading and writing. I should make a habit to start doing these writing exercises where instead of typing, i should WRITE in a notebook and just do a crazy word vomit. I just read one of the article assignments that i wrote and damn it was well-written. I am SO impressed with myself Haha lol When i was a kid for like a good period i wanted to be a writer when i grew up. Pwahah i remembered the exact moments when i told myself i COULDN'T be a writer, i was pretty sad, yet it was a realistic decision at the age of ten. lol

In another one of the entries, i wrote:

"Reading makes me who i am. I have always been proud to be the one that read the most out of everybody as i was growing up."

I am almost ashamed of reading and retyping that because i have honestly just stopped reading over the years when it was such an important part of my life as i was growing up (Twilight and Harry Potter doesn't count). Growing up with English as a second language was brutally painful. My parents did not know a word of English, let alone teaching me the basics of the language. Whenever i needed help, i was to call my older cousins (probably at the time in middle-highschool) for help. I guess as a child i've always been very "proud" and did not like calling and asking for help because i wanted to do things on my own (actually i am still like that). Because of that, i learned everything on my own. I read twice as much as the Caucasian kids in the class and brought home more books than any of the kids because i refused to be in ESL with the other minority-race kids. I even began to ask my parents to buy me as much books as they can afford so i can learn and be "good" at English. It did pay off though, as i began to win awards and was recognized for being a "top" reader in my class. As I got older, i started to read less and it got to a point where i just stopped but I picked it up again last summer. Then I totally stopped again when school started.

I'm disappointed in myself, as to why i would let something that was so important to me slip away like that. The consequence of that is my now- shitty-English that i get criticized for at work.

Yeah, i am so going to start ordering from Amazon right now.
BUT, sleeep first.


Outs.
pS. Excuse the grammer & typo.