24th Birthday

Let me start off by saying how i felt before i went out for dinner last night.

I stayed home the other night and welcomed my 24th birthday alone. For the past 3 birthdays i have spent it with the ex-mister (or at least he would have been the first person i received a phone call from) but obviously that would not have been the case this year.  I was surprisingly not sad or anything like that but rather i was very indifferent towards that matter. I stayed home, still trying to recover from Halloween and spent the evening reading up on the Barcelona team and hot team members' interviews. Obvs when midnight hit i get that wave of texts/pins/bb fb notifications that somebody has written on my wall or pm's were waiting to be read from then until now. I appreciate every single one of you who took the time to text me, to message me, and to call. I will slowly get back to everybody (on fb) once the day is over.

Anyways, still feeling indifferent through-out the day but a tadddd bit more cheerful than most years. To those who doesn't know this but i actually do not like celebrating my birthday at all. I mean in past years, how many birthday "party" of mine have you attended? Probably zero. Birthday dinners.....meeeeh ya perhaps one on one. But that's about it. This year however i've actually made plans to do stuff with people as a "group" because truth be told, i was afraid that l'll get horribly emotionally depressed at the fact that i had "no one" to spend my birthday with anymore. A part of me was terribly afraid of being alone and was afraid of not being use to that "loneliness". Which was why i made plans to have a highly anticipated lesbian dinner with K, MWDC with the Kids, Meet-Up w/ C, Century Room Clubbing, Lunch with the Boys, Dinner w/ Twin at some point and more clubbing next week. Pretty eventful right??? I thought being less of a social hermit this year would do me some good. Yesterday i went abouts with my day combating, watching soccer and doing my nails haha seems like thats ALLL i do doesnt it? Minus the starbucks part (UGH which i SHOULD have went to because its a free drink on your bdayyyyy).

Evening falls, K shows up at my doorsteps with flowers like the PERFECT date (hahah) i felt myself go red like a little school girl even though it was not a guy lol we journeyed to the Italian bistro and it was funny because she said she wanted to get gas but......we never did. That should have been a trigger for suspicions but since i'm not a very intuitive kind of person i just let it go. Get to the restaurant, waiter lead to our table and then,

BAM.

there they were- C, J, A and Cousin sitting there.

The moment was SUCH a blur. I don't know whether it was the shock, or the dim warm-sexy-lightings, or the fact i had on contacts on and i can't see as well with them or maybe even a combination of everything but my brain actually did not register at all what was happening. I stood there with thoughts racing through my head like, "Omg is that really Twin sitting next to the girl that looks like Cousin?!? No, can't be. Holy shit that girl looks like C but it can't be here?!?! And there is nooooooooooo way that's Bestest." UHHH. TWILIGHT ZONE (but not the TWILIGHT that i like with the Cullens haha) much?!?!?! This wasn't suppose to happen until i get married?!?! I'M CONFUZZZLED YO.

Being the big dork i am and somewhat making sense of the situation (complete delayed reaction) i made a scene and swore so loudly in shock that probably the chefs in the kitchen heard me. (I'm sorry).

 Dork.

Turns out the girls (sneaky) have been talking to each other (behind my back!!!!!) for MONTHS planning to get together while here i was thinking how in the world am i going to introduce everyone. I cannot describe how i felt at that moment. Even now a couple of hours later i am still speechless and weepy. At that moment i wanted to cry soooo badly because i was extremely moved and overwhelmed with happiness. But i didn't because Twin gave me the "If you cry l'll punish you severely" eye. haha  Remember what i said earlier about afraid of being alone? When i saw the girls all there in the same room as me it made me feel so so stupid. Like how did i ever think they would ever let me spend my first birthday after a breakup, alone. It's so ridiculous how i even thought that would happen. I'm so grateful for having them in my life and simply by them doing this for me made my friendship with them even more valuable.

Time flies SO quickly. I've known some of these girls since i was 8.

I'm also really glad EVERYBODY got along. Haha. I guess that was one of my fears too, that a big cat fight would break out or something because all the girl's have very easy-going distinct personalities but at the same time they are also very, very blunt (funny, i'm not) so they don't take shit from anyone which can cause problems lol Dinner was extremely fun. I enjoyed myself tremendously and i hope you girls did too. I can't wait to load up the pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, feelings after dinner.

I went through all the cards after dinner at home and the two things that was common in all the girl's cards was the words- Big Changes in your Life. & You will Good again. And that touched me very deeply because its true. So much has changed this year and it has broke so many of my hopes, my ability in believing in certain things and to an extent even my character. I'm sure they know and can see how hard i've been struggling to fight for the past half year. But for them to be there along the way to encourage me and believe in me- it makes all the difference in the world. It makes facing the unknown that less scary.

I know ALL of you are reading this. Thank you K for planning this. You are beyond amazing. Thank you girls for showing up, for spending so much money when you really don't need to (seriously) on me, for showing unconditional support and love. I really don't mean to sound like such a sap but seriously i gotta get it outta my system. Thank you for absolutely everything, i appreciate it SO so much even though i can be a bit of a weird turd sometime. This is the type of Sex and the City bonds/friendship every girl wants and i feel so fortunate to have five.

I love you girls. You girls give me hope.

...................and the partying continues biatches!!!!!!!!!!!!