emo

to those that come by.

i am currently going through...what i believe  is the most devastating change of my life where the pain is the type  id rather you shoot me in the heart instead of having me feel the thousands of millions of stabs going at it as every second goes by. which basically means i am probably going to be boring. emotional. stupid. sad. hurt- all the un-fun stuff that people don't like to read. i guess this is pretty much just a warning and also an apology. I'm sorry. That's how i am, and how its going to be for a long while if you all decide to continue to stick around to read my bs.

me

side note. i thank...my twin. for doing her best to distract me, to pretty me up, to take over my day so i wouldn't be alone. her heart and intentions are in the right place. But if only..you all can feel how sun fu i felt behind all the effort i tried to put in making you all not worry. i don't want you all to feel like its wasted effort upon me because i really do love you all and appreciate it....but it really was too soon for me to step out in the world. im sorry.

i think today was the first day i truly felt what its like to hide your unhappiness in hope to make those around you un-worried. i finally understand how you feel....maybe not in whole but a snippet was enough to make me want to die. im sorry that i did not understand sooner...


今天早上，我醒了, 我真的希望這是一個夢 ...一個惡夢.
我躺在床上哭了很久，因為我很害怕，很迷惑- 因為我不知道我的未來日子就會像.
我真的很怕..