The most important thing I realized is that painful breakups, unrequited love, shitty jobs and the like help us to BUILD CHARACTER and that no matter how bad it feels, we are much better off because of it. Sometimes you have to stand alone to make sure you can. Forget what you want to remember what you deserve.You may not end up where you thought you'd be, but you'll always end up where you were meant to be. You can either let these bad things, define you, destroy you or strengthen you. Fight through it like a warrior. Greater things are to come.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


Greetings, greetings. My first entry (well not really anymore) of the new years and it is currently being typed at a Starbucks where I am surrounded with snotty white people (no offense). I have about 2 hours and a half before L's farewell dinner to finish this but i highly doubt that i will because i have a zillion thoughts in my head right now. Hopefully i can focus and get the majority typed up. HA! FAILLLL.So clearly that did not happen and i am now at home on a snowy evening with my Forever Nuts tea almost a week after new years when i promised this entry on the 3rd. SORRY!

So my NYE festivities was disgustingly (in all aspects) epic. Needless to say- I got so sloshed that probably half an hour into entering the club I was completely k/o'ed. I must've had ONE drink out of the FIVE bottles we had and didn't even notice when the finger food and desserts were circulating. It was almost like GCM formal but a bit worst because I actually welcomed the new years with my head in the toliet!!!!!!

God I am SO classy.

I do apologize to my cousin again though, for being obligated to take care of me (as usual) and for defending my honour by punching a girl in the face! Nothing says Cousin Love like punching someone out. I loves it. I only wished I was able to back you up because I'm dying to try out my right hooks. haha

The most hilarious thing I have to share though was the fact that we actually bumped into that same group of people that we got into a fight with the previous night when we went for our extremely late brunch. Talk about the world being a small place!!!!! Fak that was one heck of a meal hahah being hungover and starving is never a good combo. The day continued with a Big Bang Theory marathon, Shanghai food and a Caesar w/ a side of yam fries. Quadtriple loves!

Now the fun part. My reflections part for 2010!

This has been one fucking tough year for me. Mostly the struggle was with career and relationship coming in mid-year. Family troubles and arguments are unpreventable, they were a bit more manageable until the days leading up to the holidays. One thing that did come out of this year was the strengthening of friendships and the number of new people i met. I guess it's a give or take right? Even though it would be nice to have it all...


i entered 2010 still working extremely unhappily for the rat. I recall wanting to quit in the fall of 2009 and i carried this into the new years. Something that i should not have done but I did because i was extremely comfortable with my situation. It all went downhill, more meltdowns and more cutbacks. It got to a point where one early morning I needed to wake up at 6am to design something for him to review at 9am. I recall how awful and exhausted i felt when i turned on my laptop to spit out a quick design for him. I had a mini meltdown and at 6:45am - i called him to officially quit. That was the end of that nightmare....even though i DO have to return his email. I extremely dread the response but i must for he is my latest employer and reference. Ugh. Total FML. He still has power over me. I hate that.

This year has made me realize though what is it that i HATE in a job and at the same time i learned a little bit more of what i would like in a job that i would enjoy going to every single day. I still don't know what I want or where i want to be in 10 years time but i guess that's really something i must discover as each day goes by.....and not slack in the process.

What i do aim for this year though is obviously for a full-time job. God has been good to me and has allowed me to be unemployed but granted me this thing called Employment Insurance and Freelance work. Up until recently, a part-time job was granted to me to keep myself from getting too use to this thing called "being paid to do nothing but drink on weeknights, watch soccer games and gym any time i want". Yup definitely can't get TOO use to that haha.

I also need to get back into blogging more often. Since it is my passion. One thing as well is to get back into "Wedding" blogging. Not many people know this but I do have a separate "Wedding" blog where obviously i post things related to Weddings. I don't like sharing it because its weird and also something i still wish to keep private. However that said because of my lack-of belief in happily-ever-afters, i've stopped with that because i can't blog about something i don't believe in. I do think it is time for me to start up again and see how i feel because ultimately the Wedding Industry would be somewhere I would like to end up in.

i don't particularly like talking about this subject. Primarily because i dont know what i want and the topic makes me feel incompetent and useless.

I just gotta prioritize, stop slacking and look (not hope) for opportunities.
I need to be more ambitious. I need to push more and be less fearful.
I know i'm better than this.


The year of friendships i must say. Friendships and bonds that solidify and i am completely thankful for. Its those moments where they cry with you, they see the pain and the struggles in your eyes but they are there to reassure that things will be fine okay. Something i am extremely thankful for. On top of that, i met a lot of people near the end of the year which is always nice. I spend a lot more time with friends. I would be an idiot to have a resolution that says "spend more time with friends" because it shouldn't be a goal. It should be a lifestyle, something that i will never, ever take for-granted any more. Being in a relationship or not - value your friendships. They will last longer than anything.

I'm going to elaborate on this a little further because of an earlier conversation I had with a friend. She's currently being placed a "test of friendship/relationship" kind of situation and also stories of how girls in so called "groups" are treating each other.

I feel extremely blessed to have the friends that I do have in my life. The distance they go for me is amazing. K was telling me what her and my cousin originally started planning for me for my birthday and i am SHOCKED at the magnitude of the surprise that they almost pulled off. It was SO huge that she even started talking to some of the GCM kids. INSANE. Because as everybody knows very well, i tend to not want to "mix" groups. I don't know why i do that but i do. So to even attempt (or have THOUGHTS to attempt) to pull EVERY GROUP i chill/party with together in one room without my knowledge is utterly disgustingly crazy.

Fak. I am still in But i mean that's one example of what they would do for me. Versus what some of these girls (that i was referring to earlier) WON'T do for one "friend" and it just baffles me and makes me sad that some people just aren't as fortunate as i am to have these amazing girlfriends (not to boast or anything like that).

But its actually very true, I am unbelievably spoiled. In every way imaginable. My parents spoil me, my friends spoil me rotten and when i had a boyfriend, he spoiled me to the core too. Again, to not boast but it is something that I do realize and really do not want to not value.

Thank yous alls.

Personal Growth

I think the breakup truly showed me how much i've grown up since my last break-up in terms of maturity level and will to bounce back. Not only that though, i noticed a lot of changes in the way i see and feel about certain things.

People have expressed to me how much harsh and bitter ive gotten lately. Not only that though, in recent years i've been told that i am less happy-go-lucky. I sincerely believe in what that quote says though. Not necessarily the letting people push me around part because i am still pretty "nice" (its a lot better now) but in general its true. I do see the bitter side of things a lot more easily, and become negative a lot faster than being positive. I do want to be that happy girl again but its just so hard in a world so full of negativity. One happy dork is going to do jack squat to help the world full of hate.

That said i feel like ive changed SO much in one year (this year) but i still have a lot of growing up to do. I know that i do. I'm still very immature....which is really sad. Hopefully now on my own l'll be able to change many of the flaws I have in myself and grow to be the person I know I can be. Perhaps maybe even happy-go-lucky again.


This was huge. Everybody knew how huge and devastating this was. That said, i want this entry to be the last time that i rant/blog about it. It's the past for a reason and i do not want to carry it over in 2011.

I would say this was the fastest i have ever bounced back and attempt to lead that single life again. I'm actually quite surprised at myself and very proud too. That said i'm a lot more angrier but hey that's normal right? lol Some days are tough but most days are good. Boys are dumb anyways. Except my Arsenal and Barca boys.

Not to repeat myself. But I understand fully now. Why, things are the way that they are. No point in dwelling, wondering, waiting. At the end of the day, if it was meant to be, it will be.

Thank you for everything though. It truly was wonderful and breathtaking.

Maybe one day l'll believe again!

The only thing i would say in terms of goal for this aspect of my life is simply- stay out of trouble.

Some of you would know exactly what im talking about. HA.


Ok you people might think i am so stupid for allowing soccer to have such a huge section on its own but in truth its really has grown to be that big part of my life. My fascination with soccer began with World Cup 2006, the England team and Michael Owen. I remember distinctively i cried when England got eliminated in the Quarter finals by Portugal (my first image of C.Ronaldo....roar). After WC06 i didn't get into soccer at all and kinda just waited it out until this summer for WC2010. And that's when the madness began. I found myself educating myself on the actual game, i watched them play (rather than focusing on the players) and got dramatically upset when the team i had chosen on my pool sheet (ya i was gambling also ha!) got eliminated. World Cup this summer was actually quite amazing for me but i know 2014 is going to be even more epic. That said after Spain (my hunks) won the World Cup, the void became extremely unbearable and overwhelming that i decided to start watching and following actual English Football.

I do admit what initially drawn me to soccer was the men. But now it seriously is not even the case anymore because i love every single one of the boys on the teams i cheer for- and there are some pretty NON goodlooking guys on the team. Now i am just fixated to the game, and the meaning behind every game and the love i have for my teams. I know that ALL my friends do not understand (nor do they have the TIME to even try to figure out lol) this overly huge fixation and devotion i have to my team and soccer. Its like a quote i've posted before:

Football is more than a sport, it's a way of life. It's seeing your teams play & cursing when the ref gives a yellow. It's crying when your teams lose and even more when they win. It's praying that the player who got injured heals quickly and without complications. It's the pride you feel, when you say their name, or wear that jersey. It's sticking with your team no matter if they win or lose because they will always be champions to you.


Swearing obscene things at the bar. cussing out random strangers for talking shit about your team and making new bffs for liking the same teams?!

Its SO hard to explain my devotion to the game and the team. I do not over-exaggerate when i say that im upset when my team loses because i actually do become genuinely upset and sad. And when my team wins, its like i successfully accomplished something myself. It has consumed and become part of my life and seriously, like it or not it shere to stay lol. If i am able to force myself to wake up to watch it after a night of drunken madness or to be up at 745am and i was out until 4am the previous night - that's saying a lot.

So just to EDUMAHCATE you guys. In simple non-soccer lingo. There are TWO main soccer clubs i follow:


One belongs to the ENGLISH league, one the SPANISH league. Very different leagues. Its like comparing grapes with bananas - DIFFERENT. Closer to the end of the year i have been turned into a HARDCORE Arsenal fan. Fans are called, GOONERS, the players are called GUNNERS.

Still with me?

Then there are NATIONAL teams. National are COUNTRY teams that play at the WORLD CUP and other NATIONAL tournaments. In that "category", i am a loyal SPAIN fan (where the players are from different CLUBS from the ENGLISH and SPANISH league).

See. Its not that hard. Now you know who i love. haha =]

Oh futbol what have u done to me.

On other subjects for the New Years-

I don't know why i do this but i buy books A LOT faster than i read them. I really need to finish the STACK of books i have before the stack becomes overwhelming. That said i'm currently reading The End of the Alphabet by CS Richardson.

I think a goal is to try to finish a novel per month. It would be nice to keep it up. I do adore reading very much.

Oh this is huge. I need a FULL TIME job if i am to be able to go on ANY of these trips that are in the talks.

  • Washington DC- To watch the Barcelona/Manchester United Game
  • Somewhere hawt and all-inclusive for my Cousins 25th
  • San Diego, CA- COMIC CON 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • New York - still in the talks with the cousin. Very uncertain if i can do it given we were aiming for february. And i have very little funds.

Yes....definitely need to save.

 I'm confirmed for one wedding and pre-confirmed for two proposals.


Overall 2010 has in fact been the worst year for me in a very long time. A lot of things didn't go well, a lot of things didn't work out. I'm not really going to "list" resolutions because i do that every year and it just gets forgotten. That said though it HAS been said that writing out (or in my case typing it out), one is more likely to have it done. Perhaps l'll do that when i dont feel the need to wrap this up haha. What i thought would be interesting is to copy and paste my resolutions from LAST YEAR and see if i did any of it. HAHA.
  • Get my website up and going (I totally ditched that) 
    • HA. Did not happen. I realllllly NEED to get that up. And business cards. YAHH. I need those too.
  • Really reflect and figure out what I want to do in life and find direction
    Because its not even about money anymore...even though it probably is but for the sake of sounding less greedy, lets say its not.  
    • It was fail
  • Find a more steady job 
    • Even more of a fail
  • Start financing, build a portfolio and save up for my dream. 
    • Fail again 
  • Find a sport that the mister and I can play 
    • Nada. No mister no more. That said i should find a sport cousin dearest and i can play lol
  • Grow my hair longgggg.  
  • Take care of my skin
    • I WAS there. Not anymore : (
  • Lose weight
    • SHIT. I WAS there in August. Totally totally fell off the bandwagon and now effing fat again. FUCKERY. I am so so angry at myself.
  • Get back into my fitness regime
    • Gotta say i stuck to it pretty well. Except for those occasional slips
  • Go get my Physical test that ive over-procrastinate about
  • Eat more fruits and make an effort to make sure every cooked meal has some kind of vegetable I can eat (even if it means yams everyday)
    • I did....for a month. Fuk Fail.
  • G2 G2 G2 G2 G2 G2 [CHECKKKKKK]
  • Indoor Volleyball with the kids [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
  • Outdoor Paintballing with the kids [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
  • Cottege Cottege ...camping count? [CHECKKKKKK]
  • Learn how to contour my face (haha sounds wrong) & how to use bronzer PROPERLY  [CHECKKKKKK...........sorta]
  • Bake more [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
  • Complete my DIY Projects [ TO BE COMPLETED ]
  • Get my Full Set of Contacts for the year  [CHECKKKKKK]
  • Finish my room reno by Summer 2010 [TRIPLE FAIL]

Omg. Told you  my year was a fucking fail. haha


To end off the post. 
Note to self:
  • don’t be such a bitch
  • don’t be a push over
  • don’t be a idiot
  • don’t make bad choices
  • don’t lose focus
  • don’t let anyone push you around
  • don’t fall for a fool
  • don’t be a fool
  • don’t play with his heart
  • don’t get your heart played
  • don’t look for a relationship out of loneliness
  • don’t get into a relationship until your ready
  • don’t slack off
  • don’t do anything stupid
  • don’t break your morals
  • don’t break your own rules!
  • don't push your boundaries.
  • don’t degrade yourself......
  • don’t degrade your family
  • don’t degrade girls
  • don’t degrade anyone
  • don’t fuck up in life
  • don’t fuck up in the future
  • don't expect much

Good bye 2010. Bring it on 2011. I'm ready for all 525,600 minutes of you.

Hope you enjoyed the read, as per usual.  I kind of rushed it near the end because i want to sleep and because i just wanted to get this done. Sorry!



anh said...

i know that took you ten years to write but it took me five minutes to read.

agreed with le futbol. it's like crack and religion rolled into one. don't think i have ever felt so passionately about something as thing. make july happen.

PS: you have inspired me to do a 2011 list of things to accomplish =)

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