The most important thing I realized is that painful breakups, unrequited love, shitty jobs and the like help us to BUILD CHARACTER and that no matter how bad it feels, we are much better off because of it. Sometimes you have to stand alone to make sure you can. Forget what you want to remember what you deserve.You may not end up where you thought you'd be, but you'll always end up where you were meant to be. You can either let these bad things, define you, destroy you or strengthen you. Fight through it like a warrior. Greater things are to come.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Years Eve, Eve

The day is almost over and i am still in a bit of a shock that tomorrow is NYE. It really, REALLY doesn't feel  like it. It might be the warmth, the lack of snow, the lack of spirit - who knows. That said i am starting to get a bit excited about it after getting my nails done earlier in the afternoon. Currently @ a SB by dear A's place, awaiting her to shower so we can grab some dinner and a gossip futbol session to follow. I redeemed my much belated "birthday" drink (that i am entitled to!!!!!) and made my own seat at the corner of the bar where i don't think is a "legit" seat.....but due to my subtle flirtatious manipulative but friendly nature i was able to get my way and was even able to find a plug BEHIND the bar. Win!

So what's the plan for tomorrow? Getting sloshed (in a classy way) with the cousin and the group at Club V over in Yorkville. Its suppose to be a Masquerade party but i can really careless about that. It's mostly the 3 bottles and 2 bubblys that i care about haha. The night's goal is to try to maintain lady-like posture while double fisting my drinks to sensual top 40s beats.

The idea is to be able to wake for the Arsenal game at noon. haha! The shit i do for futbol.

It's actually my first time clubbing for NYE (SHOCKING. I KNOW) and will probably be my last time. haha so i better make the best out of it.

I will probably not be updating at all. If my hangover doesn't kill me l'll update on the 1st after my Arsenal game at noon where i plan to spend my day at SB w/ possibly J when he returns for the day (that's possibly after hangover dimsum with Cousin & Co.) Otherwise until January 3rd it is. I'm excited about posting that entry. I've been slowly adding to it every day so its going to be quite a read.

So a big Happy New Years to everyone!
Party hard, party safe.
I will be back with a year wrap-up entry when i can function!


Not Caring

I find myself being able to walk away from a certain situation tonight with so much confidence and A LOT of game - because i don't allow myself to care.

I know how the game works. i am effing proud of myself.

Now if i can only do the same with this other situation. I have no idea how this game is going to be, how serious and how long but from the looks of it i do not have the upper advantage which scares me shitless.

Simply because i think i'm starting to care. i don't know if im ready for this game.



I should sleep.

Gotta start the day early, perhaps SB, head to the gym, get nails done for NYE and go see A!


Le Ghetto Side of Me. 
So appropriate.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010




I love finding cool things like this.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Plans for Today?


Because i am POOR and need to recover for NYE this Friday.

Therefore i am going to take advantage of this fact and:
  • Clean my unbeliveably messy room and to sterilize/sanitize/make it germs-free
  • Watch the Catalonia vs Honduras friendly 
  • Pray that ManU will lose their game 
  • Watch Despicable Me
  • Check how much i have spent in the past 2 weeks (something i am absolutely DREADING) and figure out some finance stuff
  • Possibly Combat - haven't decided yet. I still feel defeated from last night

Side-note: love LOVE Big Bang Theory. Where have ive been without this show?!?!?! ohmygod i must catch up.

Monday, December 27, 2010


Can someone take the Clamato juice away from me? I'm on my third cup of Caesars in an hour and a half.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Brief Update

Just to let you people know that i am honestly okay-

my mood improved dramatically since i learned one of my futbol player crushes just joined twitter.

amazing how much power these men has over me.

Severe case of Holiday Blues

I tried really hard to change how this Christmas was going to be like this year. Everything i can do to not be alone, to create new traditions, to not allow myself to be pitiful and feel sorry for myself. I seriously, honest to god felt the way my Christmas Eve was spent - things might actually not be so bad and god probably might even be good to me.

Things dramatically went downhill from there. The root and cause of the problem being things at home. The favoritism of my brother has never been more evident - no matter how successful I am, my brother is entitled to the same luxuries without working for it. I feel like I am growing further apart from my mother because of her stubborn, restrained and old-fashion mind. The plus side is I feel like sometimes now that the older my father gets, the more he understands things.......when he isn't angry that is.

Everything just fell apart.

The perfect Christmas that i was suppose to have, expected to have - Gone. Stolen. Taken away from me.

The new Christmas that i wished to have now also non-existing with the exception of the great couple of hours escape i had over at K's last night. It was a great few hours i got to spend in company of good people. Her family are kind people to let me join. I appreciate and am forever grateful for that. They have no idea.

Then this morning those broken parts of this holiday just continued to crumble into dust. I got into the largest fight with the mother I have EVER gotten into in the existence of my life. It was brutal. Beliefs were brought up, harsh words were exchanged and it was obvious she was not gonna back down and knowing me when i am pissed, my attitude and face exhibits the words - Bring. It. On.

Yes, to my own mother. It was the worst, sickening and hurtful feeling.

I know that all of my friends are busy with boxing day and holiday festivities and the one thing i hate is to hassle them with my problems. I refuse to have friends change their plans for me. I refuse to have people go out of their way to see me. People that cares about me has done SO much for me this year without me asking for anything. You do not pay back good grace with selfishness. You do not treat people like that (something that I was trying to make my mother understand during our fight) and I especially am not going to repay back my friends by dragging them out of what they originally plan simply because i am sad.

I HAD to get out of the house even though I still have a fever and a crazy beast-like cough. Which was why i took refuge to the one place (as STUPID as it sounds) i know l always feel safe and warm at - Starbucks. After drugging myself up with cough meds and sinus drugs I ran all the way to the Yonge and Eglinton Starbucks because i also remembered my 2nd haven was there (being my used bookstore) aka My peaceful sanctuary.

So far its been a good choice to come. I find books to be very comforting (as NERDY as that sounds), the people working are always pleasant, i found 3 books, it was worth the trip. As for Starbucks, i know the workers were going to be good to me (been to this location a couple of times before and never been given grief), the guy at the bar even got me to laugh for a bit - more than i can ask for today. Sad how a coffee shop can give me that type of security. Might be the meaning behind it. Which would be even more sad.

That said comes down to me being here alone, typing up this vent with tears streaming down my face.

I hope they don't think im suicidal. Don't think SB is insured for that kind of stuff.

I'm alright. I'll get through this. Because hey, when do i ever not cry? : )


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Foul Mood

Maybe i really should have went up to Blue w/ J. At least i know there he would keep my happy mood up.

That is after K's Christmas Fest which she so graciously invited me to join.

Otherwise this has not been a good morning at all.

Talk about a sudden change of mood after last night.


Merry fucking Christmas.

My Gift to you all- Merry Christmas

Oh its been a while boys and girls. A while since ive actually really sat down and really wanted to "blog". There has been so many blog-worthy topics and moments over the past weeks but my laziness has gotten the better of me and since this Wednesday, the cold-bug has gotten the best of me. I still feel like poo but thank god for this thing called Tylenol Sinus and Cold, i am able to function.

Today is Christmas Eve as we all know. I officially started typing this around 10pm. I hope by midnight i would have this completed with something juicy and entertaining for you to read as a Christmas gift from me to you. Please do forgive me for the terrible grammer and lack of cohesion because i am still pretty drugged & stuffed up.

Lets back-track shall we?

I promised people a MIAMI post. HAHA oh dear i am so sorry. But i find it kind of pointless to blog the details of the trip when those i actually care about and DO talk to- already know the details of it and i dont want to be redundant. That said though l'm still going to talk about it briefly in an overview sense rather than- what we did on what day and what we ate on what time.

As everyone know, i went to South Beach Miami with one of my best girls C, as a mini getaway for an extended long weekend. We stayed at a beautiful hotel that was literally minutes away from the ocean and another few minutes away from this popular shopping/entertainment/restaurant strip call Lincoln Shopping Strip. Both of us has gone through what we felt like life has done us wrong again (relationship and career-wise). For many evenings prior to our trip it was literally like deja vu where she would be smoking outside on my driveway and we both would just pour our hearts out to each other - just like almost 6 years ago. Where life again played us as fools. Anyways being doomed together, we thought "Hey why not take our doom-ness to somewhere HAWT". Hence the idea was form and we were on a plane to Florida! It was ironic (but not shocking) that we felt many of the same emotions as we left Toronto together on a plane and many scenic things reminded us of certain things. Our trip consisted of us exploring, eating, drinking, shopping, tanning, partying, counting how many pairs of homosexual men that we saw in the remaining duration of our trip.

FYI Kids- South Beach is not a place to get laid. Unless your a guy.

Seriously! Nothing against gays but there was WAY too many that it was a BIT overwhelming. Perhaps it was an underground festival that we did not know about? WHO KNOWS. Maybe boys should tell me that would you ever go shopping/strolling with your bff down a popular tourist strip? I really want to know. Over 80 "suspected" homosexual couples counted within one meal is A LOT if you ask me. 

Another observation- the men that parties there are GENTLEMEN.

They are far from the usual douchey, pushy, obnoxious BOYS in Toronto. I was fairly impressed by the two groups of men that asked us to join their party at this club call Mansion (highly recommended if you are into Hiphop, top40 and oldschool the end of the night. obvs.) and their mannerism. Sure they aren't lookers and were a bit older than we were but their politeness was what won me over! Thank you Montreal Guy from Room 1 and Black Guy from Room 2! lol

The trip was far, far too short. The weather was amazing. Being able to dine outside in a maxi dress in the middle of December is really something. One thing i did during the trip though was really thought things over. I can go on hating life and fate but i can also take it as a lesson or just another punch thrown at me and stand right back up. I completely admit when we were flying back i felt incrediably sad. I looked out and it was gloomy like that very day, around the same time too and i recalled how happy i was because after a great vacation i was coming home to something. Not this time- i was coming home to nothing ("metaphorically", not "literally") and it was a sharp stab. That said i completely snapped out of it because there's absolutely nothing to be sad about (except from maybe my Job and Weight issue haha). I understand now.

 ive come to understand that there is no suffering if you do neither.
why would anyone want to forget the good times and let time dance by you as you do that? That to me is suppressing, not accepting. It's one choice to choose to suffer. It's also one's choice to put an end to it.

For those interested: I don't feel remotely awkwardness blogging about how i feel even though I know that he comes by here sometimes to read up on what random stuff i have to share. I consider this a growing process and what Junior calls- a mature confession. I'm not asking for ANYONE to hold my hand or AW at me when i talk about this. Blogging has always been my outlet and i do feel much better each time i type it all out. I also think this is why after so many years, people still come by and read my blog. Its because i'm real and i blog about what's real. I don't hide what i feel, if i slip - i admit that i slip. if im on the floor sobbing, i will admit it too. I can go on forever on this topic but l'll leave it here because theres soooooo much more i want to blog about lol


During the trip I confessed many things to her and i feel like we understand each other a lot more. One thing is for sure though- i now stand by even more and have faith that one day things will work out for you C. You are strong, a fighter and again this is just one of those blowouts that will turn into an eventual win for you. A win that will be for life. Greater things have yet to come for you. Love you lots!

Totally random kids, but for my girl readers.
You guys know that i'm not big on purses and bags right? I'm all about vintage purses and hobo bags. But after seeing these two pictures.

Wow. Pure class. 

I totally want a chanel bag now. Especially the BLUE one. Holymoly. I wonder if its real? Can anyone confirm for me? Anyhoo that's just a thought.

Let's see what else is up. Oh yes- the other day i went engagement ring shopping with someone (for the nature and secrecy of the proposal....i cannot disclose how close i am to this person because it would be busted if the girlfriend EVER comes by my blog) and it was SO educational. Who knew diamonds can be SO complex? Okay bad question, it is complex. Its not like buying romaine lettuce (okay maybe it is. LOL INSIDE JK ONLY jay siu & K understands).....where u can just CHOOSE something. So here i was walking around claiming to be his xxxxxx (again, cannot reveal the nature. might compromise the secrecy) and im asked to try on the rings for him. Man, i hate engagement rings. For someone like me that is so into weddings i absolutely HATE them. I feel like they are unnecessary and as ive expressed my opinion many times before, i think my future husband should just effing skip the engagement ring and buy me a really beautiful diamond crested thick thick wedding band. Then spend the duration of the money on photography. hahaha just saying. We made our rounds around Yorkdale and it was SO brutal and draining. All that sparkle totally blinded me. I was glad to finally had my delicious Caesar, YARD of beer (fuckery i think i have a small liking for beer now) and Poutineeeeee at Honest Lawyers with xxxxx (no need to explain right?) joining us shortly. Overall it was a great day - im whole-heartedly honoured to be the one you chose to ask to go ring shopping. I really can't wait for the wedding. I think it would be very heart-wrenching.

But wow. It is almost midnight, this entry really did almost take two hours to write. Back to present day being Christmas Eve. I really thought today was going to be depressing. This year (aside from being brutally sick for the past couple of days!!!! omgosh) i opted out to go to ANY family outtings. To those that talk to me on a regular basis would know why so i don't want to repeat. That said things were done traditionally....for a very long time. Suddenly i have no idea what to do since the tradition is no longer in place. That said i am forever grateful for my day today. I was actually.....not sad. lol I've actually been...pretty happy lately. Thank you.

So here I am now, all snugged up in my germ-infested bed, my Forever Nuts (nom nom nom) tea with a gigantic dash of honey and a pill im ready to take to knock myself out - but not before i make my rounds of Merry Christmas via text/bbm/fb.

One thing i must say though before i end this- holy shit i AM giving a fuck. Taking it one day at a time.

No such thing as getting burned again yo. Not for me....

WoooOOO dont you guys love open-ended, metaphorical ramblings from me?!??

Tis officially 12:00am people.

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!!!

Stay beautiful. Thanks for staying with me. Hope you all enjoyed the glamorous, belated post! Expected a similiarly long/longer post to close the New Years (ive even started writing a bit of it!).

Be excited!!!!

My drugs are next to me. After seeing C its K/O for me!


Thursday, December 23, 2010


Like. REALLY sick.

Hence the lack of updating.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Or shouldn't have said. But you only grow stronger at the end of the day. Stronger enough to fight the next.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


“I let her (Vanessa Hudgens) go for now but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love her anymore. We’re just thinking of what might happen maybe tomorrow, someday, in the time that we both don’t expect. We’ll just meet and maybe, just maybe, it would be our time again.” - Zac Efron

He is SUCH a man for saying that publicly. A part of me totally died when i read this. Sighs. I really thought they could have proved the world wrong- that love does exist at a young age in Hollywood.

I guess nothing lasts.

................that said- hear about Blake Lively and my man Ryan Gosling??!?!?! roar.


What is FATE?


a. Something that inevitably befalls a person
b. Ultimate agency by which the order of things is prescribed
c. That which is inevitably predetermined; destiny
d. Prophetic declaration of what must be.

It is clear that these definitions have the following two components. ONE, that future is predetermined. TWO, that there is an agency that does this pre-determination.

ONE— that future is predetermined. This will be adressed here in some detail. Available scientific information will be combined with possiblities based upon such information to consider the likelihood of correctness of this component.

TWO— that there is an agency that does this pre-determination. This will not be discussed. It will be taken as a foregone conclusion. It is obvious that if something is done, there must be someone who has done it. That someone may be called God [Lord, Yehovah, Allah, Ishwar, etc.], Creator, or, even as a yet unknown or understood force or agency. The nature and attributes of that being, God, will not be discussed here.



I am going to try really hard and make tomorrow a BLOGGING DAY.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


There is ZERO love in this world.

Monday, December 13, 2010


Sorry i did it again. I promised an entry but yet still nothing and its already 1130pm! I apologize, but i lost all mood when my gunners lost their game today and i went on this crazy drinking binge all by my lonesome self (i know, its SUCH an acolohic thing to do!!!) to numb the pain i felt from the boys loss. La sighs.


I do want to blog soon. About Miami. And everything. But not now because i hafta get ready for bed because of work tomorrow.

Leave you guys with a ffffound.

Pray that i dont lose my data connection tomorrow???


Yesh. OBVIOUSLY i am back because i noticed my hits jumped 300% since i declared on facebook that l have a miami post coming. hahah

i dont have something done up yet......but i will soon!!!!

Overall though- fabulous time. I love you lots C!!! =]

playing with fire again

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Twitter & BBM

Confirmed. I will indeed have these two on and ready during my trip.
BBM or TWEET me kids!!!! =]

Goodbye Snow

Miami in roughly 20 hours? YESHHHHH.

And if we "happen" to come by here?

Expect me to be effing INKED yo.
Not sure if i will have data. (I have yet to call Rogers to figure that one out)
But if i do its ONLY going to be for e-mails, Twitter and BBM. So if you want to stalk and see what im up to. You can here:


Monday, December 6, 2010


Earlier, K.Lee and I (actually more K.Lee) were working hard at figuring out the cousin's ESTIMATING question.


Thank the lord K.Lee did everything because if i was to do this problem on my own, i think it would have taken me a solid 8 hours to finish - with errors mind you.

As i was "assisting" him with the problem it made me realize how useless my time in GCM was or the fact that i remember ZERO terminology.

And i was SO stressed trying to figure it out with him too. It really felt like doing one of our homework questions in 4th year that i could NOT figure out without the help of Coco or A.

It was seriously pure GCM fail guys. No kidding.

That said, K was amazing, figured out the problem (most of it) and even did up an excel chart and everything for her. I totally owe the guy a hugeeeeeee one. Thank god for friends still in print!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Ryan Gosling gets me going like a futbol player does

Look Cousin!!! It's our HUSBANDS :D
(Credit to K and finding this for us)

Oh so cold

Hmm feels like i havnt blogged in a while - you guys are in for a treat. i am in total blogging mode so theres stuff for you guys to actually read instead of fffound pictures or random spur of the moment thoughts i have.

Currently i am at my usual Starbucks, freezing my ass off because i am sitting RIGHT by the door (for plugs...or else i would not torture myself like that) at the handicap table with my iced cold drink (that my SB crush made for me......he has never made me a drink so im quite happy).

Quick Side Story of my Life- so one of the main reasons why i go to this SB (aside from it USUALLY having free plugs and its closest to my house) is because i have a huge crush on one of the baristas here. I swear i sit here and he probably catches me staring at him with my lustful creepy hungry eyes. Anyways the funny thing is that he is no futbol player-looking guy but this skinny lil fobby guy. The funnier thing is that i actually blush (seriously, Kay blush? ah. doesnt happen) and STUTTER when i do my ordering. Its like my brain goes into retard mode and i forget how to speak or something. I think the absolute worst part is when i order i mess up my drink orders. I recall this one time i ordered a MEDIUM iced green tea. He just smiled politely and punched in a tall for me. It was a very FML moment because its such a rookie mistake!!! Not even rookie! NOOB. Pure Starbucks Noob Fail right there. Especially because i am there OFTEN, he KNOWS i am not a noob. UGH. Thinking about it makes me embarrassed.

I also noticed that he tries to avoid taking or making my order. It makes me very sad.

But that just makes me that much more smitten and attracted to him. haha.

Watch he's probably 18. Apparently ive taken an interest in youngins lately. Its major Pedo Bear alert.

I digress. Back to my time at Starbucks.

......Hoping that i can get some blogging done before i head home for dinner. I find Starbucks is a great cure for hangovers but today i think i might just get a cold instead from all these fuckers that keeps on opening the door so much. Seriously people, do you need to open the door THAT WIDE??

Ive also been trying to download this one file since 1pm (2 hours later) ive restarted it THREE times already. Fuck. Not meant to be or something?!?!

Anyways, last night was K's highly anticipated amazing 25th Birthday Party that we've been planning for since JUNE. I am so glad that it went so smoothly and it was so so much fun. There was so much stress involved in the prep from envelope fuck ups (my fault), venue issue, and other stuff and to see it come together and everyone enjoying themselves (especially K) is a great satisfaction. The place we went to was really nice. Somehow K also managed to get herself a DJ which changed the mood of the party completely and because of that i got much more intoxicated than i planned to. Happy 25th Birthday dear!!! I hope it was absolutely amazing!!!! =]]]

That said just a quick retrack. LAST weekend was my lovely cousin's 24th birthday @ an ASIAN KARAOKE place. From what i do recall, it was actually most of the guy's first time at an Asian Karoke so it was nice to see that they enjoyed themselves. Being the wonderful cousin i am, i went ahead and prepped as many surprises as my limited bank account allowed me to do. And obviously i got myself plastered almost as badly as she did (PWHAHA) and met myself a couple of new fob friends. I love meeting people who enjoys singing sad chinese songs in public places with me. There aren't many of those out there.  But yes, Happy 24th Birthday to my Cousin!!!!! Next year is going to be EPIC. I know it!!!!!

Pics to come for both events on fb soon!

There's THREE more days until Miami!!!!!!!!!!!!! And i know it is going to FLY because i have something to do every single one of those days until the day of my flight. There's SO much i need to do but i am EXCITED out of my mind. C and I need this trip. Desperately.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Video Games are Evil

I will never, EVER meet a guy who is not into WOW/DOTA/CS or VIDEO GAMES in general.

Just Saying.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


Precisely why i need this Miami trip more than ever with someone who is probably the only person in the world at the moment that understands.

Miami Beach, Florida December 9-12!

tweeet tweeet