The most important thing I realized is that painful breakups, unrequited love, shitty jobs and the like help us to BUILD CHARACTER and that no matter how bad it feels, we are much better off because of it. Sometimes you have to stand alone to make sure you can. Forget what you want to remember what you deserve.You may not end up where you thought you'd be, but you'll always end up where you were meant to be. You can either let these bad things, define you, destroy you or strengthen you. Fight through it like a warrior. Greater things are to come.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

10 day -you- challenge ; Fears

In no particular order:

  1. Driving
    I don’t care what anyone says, I am terrified of driving. Mainly im afraid of damaging the car. Since my family aren't in the greatest financial shape, we really can't afford having me eff up the only car in the fam. There was an incident where my brother kept on yelling at me (how bad I was driving, etc. etc) and by the end of it - I felt like a moron, and completely incompetent when it came to operating a vechicle. From that day on I have not driven. You'd think I am being extremly silly for letting my kid brother get to me but if someone barked at how terrible you are for a good 20 minutes non-stop at an activity that you don't even have that much confidence in, in the first place…..can be excuriating and damaging to your confidence level and only fuels your fear. On top of that, it really doesn't help when half of the people you know have zero confidence that you can do it. It's like, seriously guys? Thanks for making me feel more incompetent. Just saying.
  2. Vegetables
    Closest friends and people who eats with me would know this but, i have a psychological fear of vegetables. Meaning, I have not ate a piece of green since the age of 4 when I started kindergarden. It pretty much consists of everything aside from corn, potatoes, yams, string beans, mushrooms and the more recently- asparagus, zucchini and spinach. Everything else is out of the question. My mind has this natural reflex that tells my body to "reject" vegetables by making me want to gag, throw-up, eyes tear-up and i get nauseous sometimes. It's.....quite weird. According to my mother though, I ate vegetables when i was young but one day after i came home from school i just decided to not eat greens. I wonder what happened? Clearly its suppressed. Ah well. I'm an odd one. Which leads to my next fear......... 
  3. Unable to have kids because of my veggie-defect
    Obviously I know that vegetables is a necessity in human diet. (And for who is curious- my daily #2's are great, thank you very much). That said its even MORE important if i want kids. This was something that I didn't take into consideration until Twin brought it up with me and just like that, i fear for my unconceived (lol), future child. The thought is actually very frightening because everyone knows how much I love kids and babies and if I am not able to have one.......yeah. Fearful. But let's not jump the gun - my next fear of......... 
  4. Not getting hitched
    Yo, what if i never find myself someone? I'm doomed to be a veggie-deprived Starbuck loiterer. You know the ones that sit at Starbucks but they appear to be doing nothing? Except in my case l'll be the lil old asian lady that JUST HOPES, the love of her life will stroll in the door to order that same tall, 2 pump toffee nut, 2 pump white mocha bold she has in her wrinkly litte hands!!!! On a more serious note, sometimes i feel like I'm just not FIT to be with someone. I expect too much, i give too much, im the biggest whiner on the face of this earth and i can be so difficult. God i wouldn't date myself. Oh and to add on to that- i now have unrealistic expectations in person due to my new found love for soccer players. If you don't look like Aaron Ramsey, i don't want you.................. See what i mean? There goes my fairytale! It Starbucks. Actually i shouldn't say it ends because it has never started! Seriously, i'm not joking.
  5. Brother's path being difficult
    My biggest worry for pretty much my entire life to this point, is my kid brother. Honest to god, i love that kid so much but fuck, does he piss me off a lot. He is probably the only person in this world i would do anything for. He's spoiled as fuck but thats both my fault and my parents fault. He's had it rough. I know he has. Sometimes (alright maybe ALL the time) I don't understand whats going through his mind. But you know what, its okay because no matter what l'll always be there for him. No matter how many times hes screwed up, how many times he betrayed my trust, how many times hes called me a psycho bitch behind my back - he's my kid brother, who i know has my back when i need him the most. It just scares me a lot, knowing that he's going to have a more rough path than others. As his older sister i feel useless not being able to help make it less difficult. (Just re-read that paragraph. Not sure if i made my point but too lazy to rewrite it haha)
  6. Not being able to be the person I want to be, achieving the goals i have set out
    So not only do i worry about my brother, but i worry about myself. There's a lot i aim to do, to be but I am constantly held back by obligations and responsibilities that doesn't allow me to take certain routes because there are things that i need to take care, people to look after. It scares me a little, i dont want to look back and have any regrets. More importantly, theres a certain reason why i want to succeed. And if i don't succeed, that reason wouldn't exist any more. And i don't want it to go away.
    i shalll elaborate on this......later. 
  7. Rodents and small animals
    Simple enough i think. Any of the following will make me run across the street, pay no attention to on-coming traffic just to get away from them. I would be good if this world has NONE of these: Rats, mice, gerbils, hamsters, rabbits, ferrets, guinea pigs, chipmunks, squirrels, pigeons, raccoons, groundhogs and sometimes cats. I've made it clear that if anyone dares to bring one in close proximity of me, i would end our relationship. I don't give a shit who it is. I won't even forgive Cesc Fabregas (captain of Arsenal) if he throws a mouse at me. And that's saying a lot.
  8. Becoming legally blind
    Yes - my eye sight is REALLLLLY bad. When i take off my glasses and i look at someone, their face is actually just a blob of color. Lets not get me started on when i take off my glasses at NIGHT - damn everything just becomes a flashy disco (i have SEVERE astigmatism too). My left eye "prescription" is around 775 degrees (7.75?) and right eye is at 825ish degrees. Anyone at 1000 degrees would be considered legally blind thus pronounced a handicap. Aka l'll become a handicap if i ever reach there. Sure lll get perks like being able to park in handicap spots.........BUT I'LL BE BLIND. Iono people, if thats a price id pay just to walk a few steps less. Being blind isn't quite something i want to achieve that's for sure. Its actually really scary because u become that much more vulnerable. 
  9. Tripping down the stairs
    Kind of silly and l'll keep it short. But its true. When i walk down the stairs i fear l'll trip and die. Or worst, trip and get laughed at while laying helplessly at the bottom of the flight of stairs. I'd probably be in too much pain (OR CRIPPLED) to BBM for help! God the thought is scary.
  10. Teeth going back to original state
    Iono was it my impatient-ness or my ortho is not a very good orthodontist but my teeth are MADD shifting again. I got braces 2 yrs ago but after a year and maybe a couple of months, my ortho allowed the removal of them and i'm stuck w/ expensive "invisalign"-like retainers. Even WITH retainers my top row of teeth are shifting and i REALLY, REALLY don't want to have crooked teeth again. Not only because i can't afford getting braces AGAIN (fuck nuts) but just the pure fact that it would be crooked. I look at pictures and am disgusted by the way i looked before i got braces. I NEVER want to go back to looking like that thus.......scared to death. Ugh. I hate dentists. You guys robbbb me pooooor. 
Woot. done! Hopefully everything makes sense because im not going to edit/reread what i typed.

I understand, fears are meant to be faced.......but that only means time, and i know i am capable of it. Except maybe for the rodent one. THAT i refuse to face/get over. haha

Time to head out for MWDC biatches!



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