30 Day Meme: Day 5

Read the intro to this: here
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Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.

I think everybody has gone through some sort of emo-phase so some, if not all should be able to relate. I am in no way suicidal because i cherish life very much. Even though i always whine and bitch about wanting to die because of stress and what not. At the end i know better than that and i find ending your life to be a very selfish act. Someone like me who only cares about others and not myself, i cannot bear the thought of what life would be like for family and friends if i did decide to commit the ultimate selfish act. That said, sometimes the pain is so much that death looks just that much more appealing. At least when you are dead you can't feel anymore.

I think the closest i have ever come to wanting to end my life was during the 6453 phase. I think on top of that, it was during that period that my brother was at his peak with troubles so it was very, very overwhelming for me. Since at the time 6453 was everything to me too, it was just an explosion of sadness. I don't remember specifics of that period (im probably trying to repress it lol) but i do remember that the tears did not stop. It kept on coming and I do remember losing a lot of weight from being so drained. I remember this specific night where i sat on the floor of my room after fighting with the brother and being so emotionally depressed i thought how i really just wanted to hurting and i wanted it to go away instantly. The pain of living life every single day and losing hope and yourself slowly bit by bit was excruciating. There are no words to describe what living with no hope felt like.

I was foolish.

But i got over it.

HENCE WHY IM STILL ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I guess that would be the only time i ever thought about ending my life.